I fought really hard to stop myself from bidding big on Stefon Diggs this week. I’m desperate, I’m willing to admit I’m wrong, but I’m also stubborn, and I have an aversion to assholes. And while he had his Pats breakout, he did it against the Panthers, who have rallied back to be the worst team in the league after an anomalous game against the Falcons. Reminder that every year, Week 3 is bananas. Week 4 was pretty normal. Good teams beat bad teams, and in the rare cases where bad teams beat good ones, there were extenuating circumstances.
The Giants barely beat the Chargers after Joe Alt went down, meaning Justin Herbert no longer has an offensive line. Whatever hopes we had of this finally being the year he goes full dual threat and challenges for the MVP, that’s over. He will be lucky to survive the season. Whatever stock you have in the Chargers, sell it. Dump it. The defense also showed it’s fatal flaw in a loss to Jaxson Dart: they cannot and will not be very good against the run, especially power. Now, we love a bad defense in fantasy because it forces our offensive players to score more, but in this case, it’s all bad because the Chargers have an elite pass defense. If teams feel compelled to run against them, the clock runs, the number of total plays decreases. Bad news.
With Nabers out for the year, the Giants are going to push this run game into overdrive. The SkatteBus might as well have Sandra Bullock at the wheel. The SkatteBus is getting the Back to the Future flying upgrade. The SkatteBus as we knew him is no more. From this day forward, he will be known as The Magic SkatteBus.
The Cowboys tied the Packers in what was probably the Cowboys’ Super Bowl. Nothing has changed. The offense is great, the defense is garbage, Sean goes full Rumpelstiltskin spinning Dak, Pickens, and Javonte into a weekly 60-point floor.
Steelers barely beat the Vikings after the Vikings lost two o-linemen midgame. Carson Wentz threw for 350.
Atlanta barely beat the Commanders, who were without Daniels, McLaurin, and Ekeler. And a McVay-style offense is always going to get the best of a Cover 3 defense.
The Jags barely beat the 49ers with hobbled Purdy, no Kittle, no Jennings, and Pearsall leaving hurt. Aside from a 48-yd Etienne TD, this offense was terrible. They actually would have lost this game if not for the Jags scoring an 87-yard punt return TD.
We’re going to the Super Bowl. We took the Eagles to the wire despite a blocked punt and an interception in the end zone, and we did it without Mike Evans and Luke Goedeke because our defense didn’t allow Jalen Hurts to complete a pass in the second half. Our defense is crazy right now. Jamel Dean is the worst player in our secondary, not because he’s gotten worse but because everyone else is dominating. That is helping mask the deficiencies of SirVocea Dennis, absolutely our worst starter on defense, who I think has bounced back after allowing two explosives against Atlanta, but I’d have to watch closer. We are 3-1 with a point-differential of zero, with our three wins coming against pretty rough competition, and we had the weather on our side against the Eagles, which is just impossible to repeat in the playoffs. But if we’re at full strength, this seems like a fair fight.
Corey’s just gotta be sick over cutting Chase McLaughlin right before these last two games. First, he has five field goals, then he follows it up by setting the franchise distance record (coincidentally also against the Eagles, though Matt Bryant’s was a walk-off winner and weirdly his only 50-yard FG of that season).
I am sicker every day that I didn’t think to trade ahead of Evan to take Egbuka. Looking forward to trading up to take him first overall in 2027.
12. Don’t Even Trip, Dawg (2-2)
Not even slightly tripping. We’ve got ten weeks until playoffs. I got a 2-0 cushion before everything went to shit, and I have time to figure this thing out. But when you look at my lineup without Lamar, it’s pretty terrible. It’s Derrick Henry, two Dolphins, two Panthers, a Bengal, and one-third of the Commanders RB by committee. I like my kicker and defense, but it’s not great to lose Roquan Smith to injury and TJ Watt to bye week. Luckily, my opponent this week is
11. Better than Brian ATM (1-3)
Holy shit did injuries and the bye come together at a great time for me. Corey loses Mike Evans and STA in consecutive weeks, Bucky is “gathering opinions” about his ankle/foot, and Corey has five starters on bye, including Bijan and Parsons but also a Quay and Queen who have each averaged 10+ per game. And with all that shit, it was probably time to give Kyle Pitts some run, but he’s on bye, too. If I were Corey, I would approach it like this: I would cut Aiyuk ahead of Thursday’s kickoff on the off-chance Bucky misses this week. Get an extra roster slot. Plan to start Chubb at RB. Cut Rodgers and STA, get two more slots, now you can fill your flex and two IDPs. At that point, I might be done and roll with the one-man disadvantage because your only moves left are to cut one of Stafford, Stroud, Quay, or Queen, and while I’d prefer Stroud this week, I would prefer Stafford next week (they each play Baltimore). Corey is still better than Brian ATM, but I think the moment is fleeting. Corey’s about to lose, and Brian is about to win.
10. Bri(y)an(e)!!? (0-4)
Whenever Daniels comes back, you’re probably okay. Henderson and Marks are doing enough to make you feel not dead at RB, your WR room has elite name value, and the IDPs are sick. Idk what the Wil Lutz thing is all about, but whatever. Side note: it is very funny to me that the week I called Brian the worst team in Mortydome, I was the only team to score fewer points, and it took serious hamstringing (literally, Lamar and Roquan both left with hamstring injuries) for me to finish under him (are we seriously not doing phrasing anymore?)
9. Simple Rick (0-4)
Kennedy doesn’t have a win, but he’s scored a respectable amount of points three out of four weeks, especially for team with half a WR and some really fucked up TE and IDP luck. And bad QBs… but Kennedy benefits from simply not being as injured as the three teams below him. The James Conner injury was brutal. That CeRBerus was going to take you to the playoffs even after a tough couple weeks to start the year. Now, it’s pretty bare. It’s rookie RBs, Myles Garrett, Bobby Time, and floor-god Kyler Murray propping up the other half of the roster. Trading for Jordan Addison and adding Darren Waller are huge moves. Adding Caleb is probably a huge move, as he has a really nice schedule following the bye. I probably should have looked into that before dumping him, but I was discouraged by how he played against the Raiders. Probably a dumb move on my part, but that’s just the kind of season I’m in.
8. The Mooch (1-3)
I mean, it’s one TE, Michael, what could it cost, $169? I think we all knew Oliver would be the one to set the single-bid FAAB record, but of course we’d never have guessed the details. $169 is such an insane amount to spend on any player, but you could make a case for the right situation. Oliver has now spent $184/200 on two TEs, and it’s going about how you’d expect: they combined for about 10 FP on Sunday, but at least Oliver started the one who scored more. And let’s not forget he already has George Kittle! But you know what: he’s got Mahomes getting back in the MVP debate, The Magic SkatteBus locked-in top-5 RB, an elite WR trio, and his IDP situation is back on the rails. Who says he’s not three TEs away from being a playoff team?
7. The Incomplete Jungle (1-3)
There was a time when Joe Burrow’s injury actually unlocked Shelby’s potential by forcing her to start Justin Herbert. She’s stacked at RB, she hit solid gold on two WRs, and she made solid bids to shore up TE, bench WR, and IDP. It’s just not working out the way it’s supposed to. This is a really good roster, and the Justin Herbert thing is just a fear right now. It’s a well-founded fear since he plays some scary d-lines soon, but with the team able to prepare to play without Joe Alt, you imagine they’ll fare better than they did in a game where they lost him unexpectedly. Shelby’s team does kind of present a Moneyball conundrum, though. If they’re good players, then why don’t they play good? Shelby is just 20 points ahead of Brian for fewest points in Mortydome this season.
6. Fart (3-1)
Weird little team Coleman’s cooked up. He did the impossible of actually hitting on his FAAB pickups. Fields has two 30-pointers, QJ is the Chargers’ WR1, and Harold Fannin, you know, has a real role on offense as a rookie. Even if he doesn’t hit, he gave Coleman the top three Browns and more or less ensured there was going to be one hit among them. It’s not optimal to load up on a bad offense, but if you can get by, you don’t lose anything in the process. Spending big on Fannin sort of froze Coleman out of a solid TE free agent market, causing him to have to move Jordan Addison for Jake Ferguson, but in the scenario where Cleveland’s run game doesn’t have the electric rookie, maybe Fannin would have maintained that Week 1 target share. Coleman’s a fringe playoff team because he’s thin at RB and has an untrustworthy QB situation.
5. The Philadelphia Saquons (2-2)
Speaking of untrustworthy QB situations, has anyone ever seen Bo Nix and Daniel Jones in the same room? Jk, Dimes is crashing back to Earth as Jonathan Taylor has started taking it to the house for fear Dimes will vulture his TDs at the goal line. Nix is unpredictable but with a floor of 10+ FP. Cam’s WR room is good but definitely unorthodox. Olave was leading the league in targets heading into Week 4, but he’s scored between 7 and 10 FP each week. Ladd is getting crowded out of LA’s target totem pole, and Worthy is fool’s gold after three explosive plays against a Ravens D down seven starters. None of it matters because London and St. Brown hold it down with Walker and Barkley holding down RB. Having to choose among Olave, Ladd, and Worthy for a single flex spot is cake. Brandon Aubrey outscores most flex players each week anyway. And the IDPs are getting stronger. Dropping Bynum for DeJean was smart. Zaire Franklin has been fine, but you can do better.
Worth noting that Coleman and Cameron are also on the playoff fringe because they would be 2-2 if every week were a melee.
4. Bateman & Dobbins (4-0)
Jameson Williams not becoming a Thing is holding Max back, as is questionable IDP play. He has a solid roster but barely cracked 160 in his best game so far because he doesn’t have a serious holy shit player outside of Josh Allen. Josh Jacobs is borderline holy shit, I guess, coming off a 34-pointer against a trash Dallas defense. Still, to be elite, you want other teams to casually glance at your roster and double-back to say holy shit. That TE/flex stretch of Kincaid, Mason, Shaheed, Dobbins, Jameson, and however many games of full-time starter Rachaad White don’t do that.
3. Interdimensional Sports (3-1)
Spencer would be 4-0 if every week were a melee but unfortunately faced off against a top-3 team (Evan) in Week 3. Also got bump Spe for the Nabers injury, but WR is still a strength. It’s harder to win consistently without a world-ender like Nabers, but Hurts, CMC, Achane, Etienne, and eventually McLaurin should keep Spe in the top half of scores every week. McLaurin probably won’t come back until Week 7 against Dallas, but Spencer can manage. Even if this team falls to 3-3, it’s potentially the best roster, definitely the least bullshit.
2. Baken and Egbuka (4-0)
A trash win in Week 2 and a ceiling under 150 keep Evan out of the top spot, but sleeper put that little crown on you, so you have that going for you. Evan has 150+ in three of four weeks, and the only “hole” in his roster is his two flex spots, where David Montgomery followed up a 35-pointer with a 2-pointer and Kavontae Turpin is a return-man scam de force. Do we need to review Sean and Evan’s predraft trade for collusion now that they’re the top two teams in the league?
1. The Fleeb Must Be Rubbed (3-1)
Sean scored just 114 in the Week 1 melee, but so did four other teams. Unlike those four other teams, unlike any other teams, Sean has rattled off 194, 187, and 197 in the three weeks since, and it looks legit even if we don’t love the names. Thanks to a little injury luck, all of his starters are getting elite volume and earning continued volume going forward. Drake and Dak are challenging Jared and Josh for best QB room in Mortydome, and if Max and Sean keep rolling, we will likely never see a Drake and Josh combo, as Drake is rapidly becoming the next Josh. QB controversy is not good, and Sean has started the “wrong” QB each week, literally all four weeks his bench QB has outscored his starter, by a lot, so he’s essentially on a three-game 200-point streak and melting our collective face.
$191 – Corey spent $9 on two LBs and a K; $5 was spent swapping Queen for Danielle Hunter and then swapping them back. $3 was spent dropping Nick Bolton for Quay Walker. $1 to drop Chase McLaughlin for Joey Slye. Exhibit A that being stingy with FAAB is suboptimal.
$185 – Evan spent $5 on Byron Young (win), $0 on Dallas Goedert (win), and $10 on Kavontae Turpin (win). Okay so maybe you can be stingy with FAAB.
$180 – Brian spent $9 on Jake Browning and $11 to drop Browning for Chris Rodrigues, BUT he added Isaac TeSlaa, Brenton Strange, and Marcus Mariota for $0, so…
$170 – Max spent $2 on Prater, $8 on Surtain, $10 on Chaad, and $10 on Jack Campbell. It is worth noting that nobody else bid on any of those players, but Chadd ended up working out, and he might be worth $30 in this league if you tried to add him after the Bucky news.
$165 – Kennedy didn’t spend a dollar until this week, but he managed to scoop up Tre (Bobby) Tucker and Jake Ferguson for free, then flip Ferguson for Addison (win). He just spent $23 on Bobby Waller and $12 on Caleb Bobby (just trying to reduce confusion here). I’m into it. But considering he’s 0-4, you have to imagine being more aggressive sooner, especially at WR, might have made a big impact.
$162 – Cam spent $15 on Loveland (jury’s out), $1 on Calvin Austin, $21 on Dimes, and $1 on DeJean. Good.
$155 – Sean has added nothing but crap with the money he’s spent, dropping $52 out of the gate on Tillman and Boutte. He hasn’t spent more than $5 on anyone else, and he’s gotten decent return from guys like Brooks, Lewis, Shrader, Ayomanor, maybe Horton soon. If you’re wondering about the math, Sean got $20 FAAB in a trade I already forgot about where he sent Keenan Allen to Coleman in exchange for Breece Hall and FAAB? What? I mean, it’s fine, but it’s not. But it’s fine.
$133 – Spe blew $6 on Kyle Monangai, but they made up for it with relatively inexpensive winning bids for Hunter Henry ($16) and McLaughlin ($6). I personally did not get the excitement over Darius Slayton, who Spe won for $39, besting Cameron by just $8. Technically it’s a good bid because you clearly really want him. We’ll see how it shakes out. I really wish I had bid less for Burrow so Spe could be one of the few people with less FAAB than me.
$110 – Coleman was crushing this FAAB thing until he gave Sean $20 to rob him. That combined $67 for QJ and Fields would pay off with just one win where they’re both in the lineup. Could happen this week.
$103 – I spent dumb money on Burrow ($42) and Henley ($30), but the move to add a $20 sweetener to trade Trevor Lawrence and Jerry Jeudy for TJ Watt was an all-time smart FAAB decision, and it was the first FAAB spent, so I’m a legend even if the Burrow thing (predictably, inevitably) blows up in my face. The Henley move I think will work out, but I wish I had bid $20 less.
$90 – Shelby spent $100 on Franklin, Ertz, and Wan’Dale, and while it sucks being near the bottom of any standings, $90 is a decent amount left. In hindsight, Ertz wasn’t worth $30 if only because he wasn’t nearly the only game in town.
$10 – Oliver spent $184 on two TEs, set an unbreakable record of $169 on a single player, barring a scenario where one of us drops an elite, healthy player just to watch the world burn. Don’t put it past Oliver to be that guy, as well. Obviously this is bad. $10 is less than you want heading into Week 15. We’re heading into Week 5.
Fields vs.DAL looks like a smash, and while the Jets have the worst roster Dallas has faced yet, they have a good line and will do a lot of things that put the Cowboys LBs in conflict. Cowboys are also down their starting safety. You may be wondering why Dallas can’t get right. Well, their top corners are playing hurt, and their third corner (who plays outside) is Kaiir Elam, who is Vernon Hargreaves 2.0. The problem for the Jets, the one reason Dallas might look okay and Fields might not smash, is that the Jets do not have a #2 WR to challenge Elam. It’s some combination of Josh Reynolds, Allen Lazard, and rookie Arian Smith. Smith is easily the most exciting, but the Jets can’t truly “start” him across from Garrett Wilson because they wouldn’t be able to run the ball. What they can and should do is spread the offense out and put five in the route, BUT in order to do that effectively, you need a QB who can read the defense in a split-second and Justin Fields is notoriously on the cusp of being too slow a processor to even hold a starting job. This is all to say that the Jets are kind of the reverse team of destiny. They gave the Dolphins their first win, and they are probably going to give the Dallas defense it’s first game holding an opponent to fewer than three TDs. OR it’s just straight trash and Fields drops 40.
Kyler Murray (sorry, Bobby Murray) gets to run Kennedy’s offense for one more week before Kennedy hands the reins to Caleb Williams (sorry, Bobby Williams). Kyler faces a Titans defense that is fine, maybe good, but has to play from behind all game and play too many snaps because the offense can’t move the ball. The Cardinals would normally just run the ball and get out with a win, but now Benson is on IR along with Conner. Cards turning to some combination of Michael Carter and Emari Demercado might signal more throwing just to get the ball in the hands of the best players, but it could also mean this is the game Kyler operates as the starting RB.
I think Coleman needs Fields to win this matchup, and I’m betting against it. Dallas is going to be weirdly pumped about tying the Packers and the Jets are just not very good.
Kyren tends to crush the 49ers, and the 49ers know it, but they are picking the less lethal poison between Kyren and Puka. QJ and Allen together is low-ceiling enough without worrying about how the Chargers are going to protect Justin Herbert. Not only will Coleman suffer the lack of production from the WRs, but he’s taking it on the chin from the Chargers’ RB scoring for his opponent.
Bobby Hampton just needs to stay out of Bobby Wagner’s grasp. He can put every other Washington defender in the ground. But Kennedy is in a pickle because he needs Wagner to score points, too.
Bobby Flowers is totally fucked this week without Lamar. Bobby Andrews is probably a god as safety valve for Cooper Rush and recipient of Derrick Henry wildcat targets in the endzone.
Normalize making trades with your opponent and starting those players. Bobby Addison is a steal long-term, but Cleveland’s elite d-line will probably put Wentz in a blender behind that decimated o-line. Jake Ferguson, just inches from becoming a Bobby, will get another 10 targets against a Jets D who are weak over the middle.
Here’s where it turns: Hollywood and CLE-STA might not crack ten combined points while Bobby Jeanty scores an easy 20 and Kennedy flexes a second TE in Bobby Waller, who benefits from the MIA-STA injury and inherits the Jonnu role from last year. Put those together, and he probably won’t have two TDs every week, but he should hit double digits with 20-point upside.
The defenses are pretty evenly matched in name value, but Hamilton has been okay and Okereke has been replaceable at best. The hope for Hamilton is he plays a pseudo-LB role while Roquan is out. The hope for Okereke is that he wants sweet revenge against his maker. Kennedy has already had a 40-pointer from the actual Bobbies, but Bobby Baker isn’t operating in the same role that made him a fantasy stud last year. He’s a cut candidate, especially in a low-volume game against the Titans. Time to add the Golden Domer Bobby (nee Xavier) Watts.
Prediction: Kennedy notches his first win of the year.
Evan should wipe the floor with Oliver, but Oliver succeeds where others fail because he doesn’t know when to quit. Personally, I think Mahomes, Kelce, and Thornton is overkill, and there’s really no reason to start Thornton now with Worthy and Brown healthy, with Juju catching TDs, etc. You added the other McCaffrey, start the other McCaffrey. Personally, I think the McCaffrey thing is a Mariota connection since they practice on the second team together. There’s no reason to believe there’s any chemistry with Daniels, and we know Daniels is starting. There is still time to pivot to another quality WR, still time (but no money) to pivot to one of these suddenly starting RBs. If you pick Demercado, I swear to god you don’t want to win this week. None of this matters anyway. Mahomes and the SkatteBus are going to combine for 70. Sutton and Brown are directly competing and delivering TDs. Alvin Kamara is going to cook the Giants LBs. The key for Oliver is to replace Trey Hendrickson and start scoring consistently with the LB and DX spots. Just go get a couple 10-point LBs. Raise the floor, get the upset, get back on playoff trajectory.
Evan has a bunch of bad matchups, but he has a bunch of matchup-proof players. Still, I believe James Cook and Justin Jefferson will be held to their worst performances of the season this week. I believe Mike Vrabel is okay with being beat by Josh Allen. I don’t believe he’s okay getting beat by the run. Right now, the Pats are top-5 in all areas of run defense. That’s going to be the focus, and it’s really the only that’s ever worked against this version of the Bills: take away the run, make Josh play hero ball, force turnovers. It’s not likely to work, but it’s better than getting steamrolled. Evan’s going to be competitive, probably 130+ total thanks to Baken Eggs and to another Montgomery eruption, but he can be had this week.
Prediction: Oliver makes a miracle move and wins by the difference of his best free agent add.
Jalen Hurts has two bad matchups remaining on his schedule, and one of them is this week against the Broncos. Copy/paste Jalen’s line against the Chiefs from Week 2. CMC faces the Rams on a short week, he’s all the Rams will care about, and the Rams have shut down Barkley and Taylor in back-to-back games. Pittman is fine, Meyers is fine, and Achane is good for 20+. Travis Etienne is going to post his first single-digit output of the year. McLaughlin and the IDPs are solid.
But Brian wants it more. Jayden Daniels is back with a vengeance, and without a lot of healthy weapons, he’s going to take the ball over the goal line himself a couple times, probably put five or six rushing first downs on top of it, finish with over 30 against a dwindling Chargers roster. I’m going to say something crazy: Brian needs to bench Brian Thomas for Woody Marks, and he needs to drop Brenton Strange. Don’t start anyone against this Chiefs defense. They are elite. They are kicking so much ass against the pass this year. Start Dalton Schultz against a Ravens D with serious LB problems. Start TJ Hockenson against a jetlagged rookie LB. Get a better kicker. Start Matt Gay in the dome, paired with your star QB. No notes on IDP. Those guys rule.
Prediction: Brian goes contrarian, shanks an easy putt, becomes the 2025 Rivalry Czar.
Sean cannot be stopped, at least not until we collude to trade everything to Max at the deadline. Drake Maye gets a really discombobulated Bills defense, Taylor gets a Vegas defense that has faced exactly one good rushing attack and allowed 200 yards to them. Puka is averaging 125 yards per game, 25 more than the second-best guy, and 40 more than the third best. And I believe teams are trying to stop him. It’s just not happening. Matt Stafford will go into the Hall of Fame having three different receivers set the single-season receiving yards record. Pickens, McBride, and Hall will all lead their teams in FP, and Javonte might get bottled up, but he’ll hit double digits on volume and first downs. Shrader’s another Notre Dame powerhouse kicker. This stupid Dolphins LB stack is working. Jourdan Lewis will get enough tackles to stick on the roster another week. Sean doesn’t need to fill that empty IDP slot, but he will, so just don’t go into this game with hope. Give up, roll over, do the Worm Jerry pose, and live to fight another week.
Max will have a decent game, especially getting to start three RBs with Chaad taking over the Bucs’ backfield. My crazy take is that Max’s best chance to win is benching Josh and JK for Goff and Jameson. The Lions play the Bengals, and the Lions like to run up the score. Max has no hope of winning if he sticks with Allen and Surtain coming off a combined 2 FP last week, and now they face the Eagles. The Eagles aren’t going to let Zach Allen through, and they aren’t going to target Surtain. Make moves.
Prediction: Sean finally hits 200 for real.
Be serious: it’s a Danny Dimes week. I don’t usually recommend a QB platoon, but these are strange times. Bo Nix is not good, but his offense is good, but the Eagles defense doesn’t let not-good players play good. He’s toast. Dimes gets Vegas, who let opposing offenses do pretty much whatever, and the Colts are probably just flat-out better than the Broncos. Don’t overthink it. Don’t miss the easy layup trying to go for the slam dunk. Don’t start Ladd McConkey over Chris Olave when Olave is out-targeting and outscoring McConkey and getting his best matchup of the season so far. Also, like, Olave is better? I know he’s disgraced for playing on a joke team for years, but this Saints’ offense is for real. Spencer Rattler is for real. Barkley and Walker have bad matchups, which hurts, but not enough to sink you. Amon-Ra, Warren, Aubrey, and the IDPs will combined for over 100. Add 20 from Dimes and 30-40 from the RBs and WRs, you’re coasting to your third win.
Shelby is in shambles. The Burrow injury cost her a QB and a RB (Chase Brown’s ceiling anyway). Warren’s little injury opened the door for Gainwell, and now that’s a full-blown timeshare. Russ getting benched kills whatever momentum lil’ Wan’Dale had. The injuries to the Chargers’ o-line hurt Herbert and by extension Dicker. And Rome Odunze is on bye. The one good thing happening this week is Jayden Daniels coming back and Terry McLaurin staying hurt. Deebo and Ertz should feast. No amount of lineup tinkering or free agent churning can help this week. But I’m not writing off the season. I am worried about what options Shelby has if Herbert is bad. Honestly, I’d trade for Goff. Idk what it would take, but I’d spend up.
Prediction: Cam rolls.
All right, so it’s Tua vs. Stafford and Henry vs. Chubb, only it’s 2025. It’s been three Tua TBIs, six Stafford epidurals, 800 Henry fumbles, and one Chubb torn ACL since these guys were serious fantasy options, and they are the marquee players. Okay, they’re not, but they are the first four names you see when you open up the matchup. In any other matchup, I would probably have punted the week, stacked futures with $0 bids, and planned to cheapskate it until Lamar came back. But Corey’s got like three starters not on bye or IR. I like my chances. I hate my team. Like a lot. Obviously. I’m cutting all of my WRs except Tee and T-Mac, and even the decision to hold Tee is just to prevent him from becoming a late keeper for someone else. With those drops and the injuries to Lamar and Roquan, my entire draft advantage is erased. Not permanently, but there’s no guarantee this thing bounces back. Hamstring injuries linger, and Lamar and Roquan both have them. A hamstring injury (and covert steroid usage) tanked the career of my all-time favorite athlete Ken Griffey, Jr. It is my least favorite injury. As a bonus, I tore my fucking hamstring this summer chasing down a pick-6 in a flag football game because I’m washed. I’m washed in flag football. I’m washed in fantasy football. But you know what? I’m better than Corey this week, and he was better than Brian this week, so I’m top-10, bitches. And I refuse to quit. I refuse to make one smart decision this season, but I will bring this idiot hammer down every week until morale improves.
Corey needs GW, JSN, and Bowers to combine for 90 points, and I’m definitely shitting my pants about it. Words can’t capture how bad my lineup is. Just go look at it. Aside from Derrick Henry KIND OF, you wouldn’t bet on one of my players to score 20 points. Add to the list of my dumb ideas this conviction that I’m supposed to win this week. I’m not even doing a curse/jinx thing. I really think I’m going to win. I’m going to get destroyed. I’m starting Tua and the Dolphins’ kick returner, hopefully WR2 Malik Washington because they are playing the Panthers, and I’m bracing for the Panthers to pitch their second shutout of the season. BILL DON’T FAIL ME NOW!
