Blame it on the autumnal equinox. Blame in on autism. Blame it on acetaminophen. Week 3 was insane. There are six 3-0 teams, and we’re only sure two of them are any good. The Bills continue to look like the only dominant team, and the Eagles look like the NFL’s new golden child (replacing the Chiefs). Other 3-0 teams:
The Colts, led by Danny Dimes, have destroyed the Dolphins, Titans, and Texans, who all suck. We’ll see what’s real against the Rams next week.
The 49ers have survived an injury apocalypse to squeak by Seattle, New Orleans, and Arizona. Seattle is good, and the 49ers were in near-perfect health when they played. New Orleans is bad. Arizona is bad enough, probably outright bad now thanks to significant injuries to their secondary and to James Conner. 49ers have the easiest schedule going forward and will probably win the division.
The Chargers are 3-0, taking down all of their division rivals, and while I’m fairly convinced the Chargers are good, I’m not as convinced that the AFC West is a strong division. The Raiders’ defense is bad, the offense okay; the Chiefs defense is good, the offense okay; and the Broncos defense is great, the offense barely okay. We’ll get more definitive results Week 5 when the Chargers play the Commanders.
And finally, our heroes, the Tampa Bay #BakeSquad are 3-0 against the Falcons (who lost 30-0 to the Panthers), the Texans (suck), and the Jets (suck but frisky), and we are the first team since the merger to win three games in a row on last-minute scores. We are even more injured than the 49ers. Our entire offensive line is either injured or playing out of position, three of our top four WRs are hurt, and I was under the impression Lavonte got seriously injured on that play where his knee bent backwards, but I guess he just said no? Baker hurt his hand but told it to shut up and kept lacing beautiful throws to Egbuka and Shepard. Wirfs and Godwin are coming back, though, so everything is fine? Against the Eagles, sure, I bet everything is fine, just the most complete team with the refs in their pocket. No biggie.
And then there’s the 0-3 teams, most of whom suck, with the Jets probably being the lone exception. I mean, they suck, but they have a one-year grace period and would be happy with a high draft pick. They would be happier if Fields was the answer, but they can’t possibly figure that out without any receivers. They should trade Garrett Wilson while he’s still a value and run the triple option.
The Titans hit on QB big time, but the offense is awful. Bad enough that HC/OC Brian Callahan’s a top-3 candidate for first coach fired. He’s already given up playcalling to QB coach Bo Hardegree, and that’s not going to fix things because in Hardegree’s 10 seasons in the league before joining Brian Callahan’s staff that NOBODY WANTED TO JOIN EXCEPT FOR HIS DAD, spent seven years working for Adam Gase and three years working for the worst of Josh McDaniels, which is also where Papa Callahan worked, which is how Hardegree ends up here. Here’s a red flag: you’re pick for head coach doesn’t have connections to good assistant coaches. What’s going to happen is that Hardegree will be worse, Callahan will take back playcalling control, everyone is getting fired, Ward’s development is getting the Justin Herbert treatment at best, and people like me who drafted Calvin Ridley will basically play half the year handicapped by a missing roster spot.
The Giants have pulled the plug on Russ, and I imagine Daboll is going to take back playcalling duties after letting Kafka get a shotgun to the face from the Chargers. I read something recently that’s either lobotomized me or brought me zen: if you want to understand current American politics, recognize that everything is a grift. The same way Trump saved TikTok, Daboll will save the New York Giants’ offense. As if by fate, he will save it the exact week the Giants play the Saints. Can’t save that defense, though. Can’t do alaot when you only have five good players and they are four linemen and a linebacker. This is how we know the Chiefs’ offense is broken: Giants allowed 430 yards to the ‘Ders, 470 to the Cowboys, and just 300 to the Chiefs. Jaxson Dart is a really good pickup in fantasy, and he’s playable against the Saints next week. Malik Nabers goes from okay pretty solid can’t complain with upside to megadeath destroyer 20 targets per game insanity.
The Texans’ defense is great, so they can’t be a bad team. However, in order to overcome the league’s literal worst offense, you have to be not even just in the elite tier but the league’s best defense, and the Texans are merely great. People are questioning Stroud’s confidence, and the nuance is that we’re not talking self-confidence. He’s justifiably not confident in the offense. The scheme is wack, and everyone but Nico is pretty bad. But the Texans should get their first win against the Titans because the Titans are bad all over.
The Dolphins’ problem is the same as it ever was: trench play. Their offensive line can’t block, and their defensive line can’t defend the run. The reason for the problem is also the same: size. More specifically: finesse. They want to be smooth and cool and small in the image of their head coach. It has worked less and less each year, and this is the season it’s finally over, McDaniels gets to walk free, and he probably ends up OC’ing for whoever hires Chargers DC Jesse Minter to be their HC next year (I’m guessing Titans).
The Saints aren’t even bad. They have a weak roster and are actually making it work. Their schedule to start the season was three aggressive AFC West defenses, with the best of them coming Week 3 against the Seahawks. That game went so bad so fast that it’s not even fair to evaluate it. Saints will get kicked around by the Bills this week, but then they get a little relief against the Giants in Week 5.
By season’s end, will these six teams be picking at the top of the draft? The better question is: who has the best chance to get out of the basement. None of these teams are making the playoffs. I think the Jets, Texans, and Saints have the best coaching, making the Titans, Giants, and Dolphins the likeliest to finish at the bottom. BUT the 2-1 Bengals might just finish 2-15, absolutely massacring my Burrow scam.
Other contenders for worst team are the 1-2 Panthers, Falcons, and Raiders. In that group, the Falcons are the worst coached, but the Panthers’ and Raiders’ rosters are ROUGH.
Ranking the bottom ten:
32. Bengals
31. Titans
30. Dolphins
29. Falcons
28. Giants
27. Saints
26. Raiders
25. Panthers
24. Jets
23. Texans
No surprise that the worst o-lines in the league are all on this list. The Jets, Panthers, and Falcons are the only teams here with decent o-lines.
(shout-out to Happy Endings, S-tier gone-too-soon sitcom)
Shelby spent half her FAAB picking up Troy Franklin, Wan’Dale Robinson, and Zach Ertz. I think we all know which one of those likely won’t work out, but I like all the bids. Franklin is young, ascending, plays on a well-designed offense. Ertz was the best TE left (Hunter Henry obviously also in the convo but had a really bad Week 2). Wan’Dale was leading the all free agents in targets and won downfield against the Cowboys, meaning . We all know now the Cowboys are just bad, especially when it comes to letting guys get behind the last line of defense. Against the Chiefs in Week 3, Wan’Dale was targeted five times: interception, penalty on Wan’Dale, fumble lost by Wan’Dale on a screen, 25-yard catch downfield, incomplete short. Now, there are three things going for Wan’Dale: 1) QB improvement, 2) injury to another skill player, 3) they kept going back to him despite the struggles. He’s a really good player, and he’s high on the target totem pole in an offense that is going to let the young QB chuck it.
(This is your reminder to rewatch Tommy Boy, and if you’ve never seen it, drop dead.)
I’m an idiot. My bids were bad. Burrow’s not coming back unless the Bengals are in the playoff hunt, and the Bengals will not be in the playoff hunt. I wasn’t thinking fourth-dimensionally. I was just straight-up gambling. And I’m pretty sure I already lost. But am I dropping Burrow, letting someone else come in with a $9 bid and he decides to lead the 2-13 Bengals to a 4-13 finish? Do you even know me?
I was tempted this week to drop Daiyan Henley and cut my losses quick, but instead, I’ll make excuses: 1) Henley was sick and didn’t practice all week. 2) The Chargers’ defense only played 48 snaps, and Derwin got the stop on 12 of them. 3) Sean spent $25 on Boutte and already dropped him to spend $5 on the Tory Horton return-man scam, so that’s either $30 on Horton or $25 down the drain depending on perspective. If it’s $25 down the drain, then the $23 difference between my winning bid for Henley and the next bid is negligible? The power of cope. The worst thing about winning a large bid is the fallacy that this investment is worth waiting on, whereas had the $7 bid won, Henley could be recycled without hesitation. Obviously anyone can do whatever they want, and we’re dealing with perceived barriers. I’m still convinced Henley is becoming a Roquan, which is why I made the bid, which is why I’m holding. (Note: I would have also dropped Boutte for Horton and am a little sad I dropped Horton instead of Diggs last week. Drafting Diggs and Ridley back-to-back is up there with the worst draft moves I’ve ever made, rivalling the time I trade the 1.02 to Kennedy so that I would have four straight picks at the 2-3 turn, only to spend all four on WRs, and if I remember correctly they all flopped.)
I’m also coping with spending a high pick on Henry and watching his hands disappear like he’s waiting for George to kiss Lorraine. I guess I’m not a moron for that, but watching him crash out after losing a third fumble in three weeks sure doesn’t make either of us look smart. This stat is gross: in 2023-24, Henry had three fumbles on 690 touches. In 2025, he has three fumbles on 60 touches. You’re killin’ me, Petey! You’re killin’ me! (PS what’s to stop the Ravens from playing Henry at DB. You’re telling me this man can’t get revenge by forcing some fumbles on the other side? Compared to what the Ravens are getting out of their second outside DB? Gimme that Travis Hunter value!)
Gotta imagine drafting Marv and Trav in the second round in back-to-back seasons is going to radicalize Evan. Hunter has been fine, with 8 FP in each of the last two weeks in Evan’s DB slot. Solid. Fine. Not worth a 2nd. But good god, looking out at the next 10-15 picks after Hunter, it’s a lot of garbage, and Evan made the best of them in Egbuka. I think in a lot of situations, Hunter would grow his role on offense over the course of the year and make this pick worth it. But I think the Trevor Lawrence project is doomed. He’s Kyler 2.0. He’s Billy Beane. The toolsiest SOB ever but just for whatever reason incapable of turning talent into skill. All this to say Hunter is probably a good DB in fantasy, not a total wasted pick, but I’d bet against him hitting that 15-20 ppg Evan needs to make the pick worth it. Because the question when drafting an IDP or even a TE or QB in the second round isn’t a matter of whether the player is the best at his position. He has to be special. He has to wax the second-best player. I’m not going down a math hole simply because I don’t have the time, but I’m invested in the Hunter pick and will continue to explore what it takes to consider him a value.
I’m sure at least one of you looked at the waiver wire for Trey Benson or Cam Skattebo this week only to find they were already gone. Oliver drafted four backup RBs (technically five because both Browns RBs are backups now), and two of them becoming full-time starters in Week 4 makes it totally worth it. Skattebo was already generating stand-alone value, so even if boost is short-term, he’s a flex option when Tracy comes back, but I think he’s taking Tracy’s job. Benson is suddenly going to get 20 touches per game for the rest of the season, maybe even threatening Javonte Williams for RB1 in fantasy. Also threatening Javonte: Oliver having a Cowboys RB on his roster. Granted if Javonte went down, Miles Sanders would be the guy, but still! Watch your back.
Of the top 10 RBs, these three own seven, two apiece for Sean (RB1 Taylor, RB5 Javonte) and Evan (RB2 Cook, RB6 Monty), and three for Spe (RB3 CMC, RB9 ETN, RB10 Achane). Corey has RB4 Bijan, Shelby has RB7 Gibbs, and Coleman has RB8 Kyren. Yes, if you had just drafted the Lions’ backfield, you would have the second-best RB duo in Mortydome. Gibbs and Monty have combined for 108, and to provide context for how good that is, the next best duo is Kyren and Corum at 88, then Etienne and Tuten at 78. It’s no wonder all of these guys are on rosters.
There are 11 QBs who have thrown interceptions on more than 2.5% of their pass attempts this season (league-average is 2.0, but I cut this list off just above Dak at 2.4):
2.6 Bryce Young
2.7 Darnold, Russ
3.2 Nix, Flacco
3.4 Stroud
3.5 Rodgers, Trevor
3.8 Geno
4.5 Tua
8.5 Jake Browning
Is that not the definitive list of dudes you don’t want on your fantasy team? It should also remind you that any QB can drop 40 points one time. The key takeaway here is that turnovers drop the floor. Russ scored 40 points in Week 2 and 5.9 in Week 3. Rodgers scored 31 in Week 1, combined for 28 in the past two weeks.
Bo Nix: 13, 30, 16
Trevor: 16, 26, 8
Tua: 5, 20, 19
Darnold: 7, 20, 22
Darnold might be our outlier, though. He’s the only one who anecdotally is playing good ball, and he’s thrown the ball by far the least of these guys after getting to sit for the final third of Seattle’s offensive snaps in a blowout win where he had his best fantasy day.
What makes Darnold different from Tua? Volume. Tua has 15 more attempts and 100 fewer yards. Why does Dak get special treatment? He leads the league in completions and attempts and is top-five in comp% and second in yards, and that’s with Lamb missing three quarters this week.
I will couch all this by saying that we shouldn’t extrapolate and we should anticipate regression. So fine, where is that regression? Tua is an obvious target. Not only are his pre-game fantasy stats balancing out around 20, but that 4.5 INT%, that’s coming down by a lot. In 2024, these were the players above 3%: Mac Jones, Minshew, Cousins, Levis, Jameis, Richardson. Drake Maye was right at 3% in his rookie season with no weapons and a bunch of fired coaches. Does this mean regression is going to help Geno, Rodgers, Trevor, Stroud, Nix, and Flacco? No. What it means is that some of them are going to be the names on this list for 2025. Look at this list and tell me it doesn’t make sense
Richardson = Nix
Jameis = Flacco
Levis = Trevor
Cousins = Rodgers
Minshew = Geno
Mac = Stroud
Don’t think too hard about it. But Tua doesn’t belong on that list. He has the lowest INT% of anyone on this list (focusing on the last few years for Rodgers for that stat).
I can feel some of you want me to drop the hammer on Bryce Young, and I won’t do it. I just don’t believe he’s bad like that. I think he’s too small. I don’t want him on my fantasy team. But he’s not a candidate to lead the league in INTs. But the likeliest leader in INTs is from the NFC South—I know you think I’m gonna say Baker because he tied for the league lead last year, but the guy he tied with was Kirk Cousins, who did it in three fewer games. And why did Kirk Cousins throw so many interceptions? I will tell you why! That’s literally what we do here!
The Atlanta Falcons’ coaching staff is bad. They are unprepared. Their players are unprepared. Why is a WR coach getting fired following a 30-0 loss to a bottom-five team? How could it possibly be his fault, and why are we having to fire anybody three weeks into the season? It’s not, and they don’t think it is. But by firing assistant coaches, the coordinators and head coach insulate themselves from the blast. Like, if I fire everyone under me, who are you going to appoint as interim? Checkmate.
Totally screwed season. And when Michael Penix leads the league in INTs, we’re all gonna get scared off. But I’m planting my flag. Penix is good if not great. He’s not perfect, and he’s never going to break into the top 10 for more than a season or two, and even then he’ll be right at 10, but he’s legit. This coaching staff fucking sucks, and I know they suck because the Panthers knew what was coming. It’s that easy. On high-leverage plays, the Panthers knew exactly what the Falcons wanted to do, took it away, and the Falcons pooped their pants every single time.
In the NFL, you shouldn’t lose 30-0 to anybody. You can understand bad weather 6-0, 9-0, a gritty fucking 7-0 where one team barely got in. But even in a week of blowouts, the Bengals and Saints, arguably starting the worst two QBs, scored 10 and 13 points. The Browns were playing against the best team in the league, didn’t score until there were like ten minutes left in the game, with undead Joe Flacco at the helm, and they scored 13 points. It’s coaching.
We are in the golden age of NFL coaching, and the Falcons are just gonna keep swinging, I guess. They have the talent now to attract good candidates, which might have been the plan all along for the GM to keep his job while everyone else gets fired. It’s honestly a great grift. Ryan Poles worked it perfectly in Chicago. Not sure who else off the dome. Might dig into that another time.
Okay, what else… recap the games? Preview the matchups? What are you, nuts? I’m here to get weird and fire off takes. I’m not here to help you. Have you seen my WR corps?! Do you even want to know what I think about who you should start? The only reason I know who to start at RB is that I actively dislike D’Andre Swift but needed a sure thing for my second flex spot to start the year, and I’m committed to the Bill bit until it starts losing me games. I spent $72 to clog my IR slot and lose 12 points in my LB spot. You don’t want advice from me!
But you know what: you clicked the link, and that was your mistake.
Man of the Match: Jonathan Taylor with 35 to follow-up a 33-pt effort last week. The Colts moved on from their starting and guard, but this is where we appreciate an offense’s ability to scheme high-quality line play. It is no coincidence that the last time Danny Dimes was this good, he had a high-functioning run game. The offense flows through Taylor, who is special. In some cases, the holes open up, but there have been plenty of runs where Taylor squeezes through or runs right around. He’s also doing more damage as a receiver now.
Honorable Mentions: Tyrel Dodson for cooking me on Thursday night on putting me in comeback mode for the entire weekend; Lamar for being the #1 QB in fantasy with three straight 30-point games; my IDPs outscored Sean’s 55 – 49, the second week my IDPs have paced the league.
Man of La Mancha: Tee Higgins was a bad play, but my bench WRs outscored him by 1.8, 1.2, and 1.9. So my entire WR experiment outside of T-Mac is a bust, and even T-Mac is barely getting 10 a game.
Honorable Mention: Sean starting both Dolphins ILBs on Thursday night and it somehow working.
Man of the Match: Rome Odunze has four TDs in three games and is half of Shelby’s double-steal of the draft. She low-key punted the WR position and is getting high-caliber play from her 4th and 6th round picks in Odunze and Deebo.
Honorable Mention: Antoine Winfield turning on the juice when the game is on the line.
Man of La Mancha: Jake Browning against the Vikings was… bold? At least as bold as jousting windmills. And let me tell you: I told Brian he could have Caleb for $5 FAAB, and he told me to enjoy my pancakes.
Honorable Mention: Chase Brown against the Vikings when Shelby has the deepest RB group; Troy Franklin scoring 0.02 FP per FAAB dollar so far.
Man of the Match: Jordan Mason did exactly what he was supposed to do against a trash Bengals team, and it’s going to lead to even more work going forward; Nico is fully back, Kincaid is post-hype sleepin’, and JK Dobbins is post-post-post-hype sleepin’.
Honorable Mention: Omarion Hampton, bell-cow by necessity, went from losing the starting gig to exceeding his already high draft price.
Man of La Mancha: Kennedy left 64 FP on the bench that arguably were obvious starts. Tre Tucker is whatever, but he’s more interesting than Christian Kirk and has significantly outplayed Kennedy’s other Raider WR. Benching Andrews is wild, I’m sorry. I know he was trash for two weeks, but he never stays trash!
Honorable Mention: Max’s IDP situation is killing his ceiling.
Man of the Match: Daniel J. Dimes led Cam’s team in points, and in doing so, he likely stole the job from Bo Nix, only Nix faces the Bengals next week.
Honorable Mention: AJ Brown dominated the Rams’ secondary, and it wasn’t even a scheme thing. He was simply to strong and too skilled to be covered. All it took was Jalen Hurts actually throwing him the ball.
Man of La Mancha: Oliver’s gotta cook up a new IDP strategy, and he knew better than to start Rhamondre over Sutton.
Honorable Mention: Cam dropped Caleb Williams in order to choose between Dimes and Nix this week. Caleb had more points than the other two combined. I also offered Cam the opportunity to buy Caleb from me for FAAB, which he laughed off. He laughed in my face. And he won, and I lost, so… well played.
Man of the Match: Coming into Monday night, Evan needed David Montgomery to score 22. In Weeks 1 and 2, Monty scored 21 combined. He dropped 33 and probably helped Spe’s mental health considering McLaurin had a TD wrongly ruled down at the 1. Without that final Monty TD, Spencer could easily still be fixating on that non-TD.
Honorable Mention: Jalen Hurts led all QBs except Caleb in scoring this week. Egbuka had a modest fantasy week but hot damn did he show the potential to start cooking the whole league soon.
Man of La Mancha: Malik Nabers, pretty annoying output. Spe had two bench WRs that would have delivered a win in Nabers’ place.
Honorable Mention: Evan’s bench was okay in terms of raw output this week, but the stat-lines are awful. He could reasonably churn the whole bench. I like the Turpin add, especially for only $10, but I want to see more.
Man of the Match: STA from Cleveland took the starting RB job in just one week; Kyren got a little bit of competition from Corum and said get the fuck back!
Honorable Mention: Bijan Robinson probably scored the maximum amount you can get when your team’s offense gets shutout.
Man of La Mancha: Aaron Rodgers? In the year of our lord 2025? Please don’t do it. Stafford won’t save you either. You beefed it. Sign Darnold, stream matchups, or make a trade. I recommend making a trade. But if the goal is 0-14, keep doing what you’re doing.
Honorable Mention: Jordan Love looked bad enough that the conspiracy theorists are claiming the Packers themselves tanked the game because 1.1 billion dollars were on them winning. I don’t know what it would take to prove that the Packers even care. I would worry about Coleman’s QB room if Love weren’t about to face the Cowboys.
Ravens in another shootout, another 30 for Lamar, another fumble for Henry. I’m benching Higgins against Denver even though Denver’s weakness is that second outside corner spot. I just don’t know if Browning will have time to throw deep, and that’s what Higgins needs. The alternative is goal line fade, but that requires the Bengals to move the ball, like, at all, which I don’t see happening. I’m debating Downs @LAR and Ridley @HOU. I was going to start Diggs because the fantasy-relevant news is very promising, and his route-running has been exceptional. Maye just hasn’t found him. I’m stupid. I just don’t like rooting for assholes. My other key choice is Swift @NE or Bill @ATL. I could just say fuck it, start Downs and Ridley, loser leaves town. In a matchup I’m doomed to lose for picking myself, this might be the move. To my credit, I have a boss kicker and the best defense in Mortydome.
Spencer has to start Hurts @ Tampa Bay, which I am leaning on as my ace in the hole. Hurts sucks, the Bucs own him. Get bent. CMC gets what looks like an easy Jags matchup. Jags have a “top-5 run defense” against the Panthers, Bengals, and Texans. 20 points for CMC confirmed. Nabers and McLaurin are hurt, hard to say what’s up with Nabers, but McLaurin is almost definitely out. Spe’s deep at WR and probably stacks DeVonta with Hurts, but I think it’s finally time to give Pittman a shot. AJ Brown is a special player, but most of what he did against the Rams was out-muscling their small secondary. That’s Pittman’s game. Shakir and Meyers are quality, but they don’t rate in this room. That said, I’d take Meyers vs. CHI because I don’t like Shakir’s matchup. The only reason matchup matters is that the Bills take what the defense gives them. Josh’s other options are easier. Travis Kelce is washed. Achane and Etienne have bad matchups. Bad-ish. Achane faces the Jets sans Quincy Williams, and Etienne faces the 49ers sans Bosa. It’s enough to keep each of them above 10 FP this week for sure. Boswell plays in London, a kicker’s dream. Spe’s IDPs have been up and down, and this week feels down. Reddick probably has to line up across from Lane Johnson, Bernard will only get to defend like 10 runs against the Saints, Cross is fine, and Brian Burns has to go against Joe Alt (kind of; Giants will get him on the other side plenty, but Chargers will chip.
All in all I do honestly expect to win, which is exactly what will do me in.
Shelby couldn’t have loved the Burrow injury followed by the Herbert dud, but she got the win, and now Herbert gets the Giants. Gibbs has a tough one against Cleveland, kind of. He shouldn’t have much running room, but he should be unguardable as a receiver. The problem: this will not be a close game. Odunze and Deebo are matchup-proof, and Odunze faces a bottom-five secondary. Ertz really needs Daniels back in the lineup, but he should be good for another 5 FP if it’s Mariota again. Chase Brown @DEN: bench him. Jaylen Warren vs.MIN: bench him. Roll the dice. Harvey and Franklin have sweet matchups, Pollard is a DUDE, Keon is boom-bust and I had to bet I’m going boom against the Saints, Wan’Dale no way never until we see another big game. Shelby’s good on the back-end except for Granderson, especially against the Bills. Plenty of fish in the sea.
Max is torching us. He dropped 160 last week without much help on defense. And he has sweet matchups across the board. Shelby’s hope is that Max didn’t fix his IDP problem and that the Bills RBs score all the TDs in a blowout against the Saints.
Mahomes and Love set it off. Key to the match is what Coleman gets from his second WR with Lamb out. He’s got five options. Hollywood vs.BAL is a revenge game and Hollywood helps neutralize Mahomes. Jeudy @DET hasn’t been getting the targets, and he’s not very good, but the Lions should roll on offense and force the Browns to pass a ton. Doubs stack with Love has promise against a Cowboys defense letting everyone get deep (which is Doubs’ forte). QJ probably deserves the nod for being the highest scorer, getting the most playing time, having the best QB, great matchup, really all the reasons.
Oliver rolls out the SkatteBUS, granted there’s not a worse matchup to do it. Trey Benz’s debut start against the Hawks isn’t much better, but I also wouldn’t start either over Kamara or Sutton in those flex spots. Skattebo is the better fantasy option because he has the receiving upside and the TD upside. This is all completely ignoring DK, but I would start him over Kamara before benching Skattebellcow regardless of matchup. Oliver has to cut two players to add IDPs, and the likely heads to roll should be Jaydon Blue, Dylan Sampson, and I’d throw Rhamondre out with the bath water while I’m at it. Josh McDaniels, when asked about Rhamondre’s role this week, said, "I've always had a lot of confidence in Rhamondre (Stevenson). I think Rhamondre cares a lot about doing the right thing." That’s coach-speak for he’s ground with no TV until he gets his shit together. My advice is to Oliver is to appreciate the success of the backup RB scam and stop drilling.
Corey finally starts JSN because Evans is out, and he benches Chubb for Garrett Wilson. This is how you break a losing streak. The Jets are bad, but GW is getting hypertargeted. Chubb has a “good matchup” that is rendered worthless by a trash o-line. Bowers is back to full strength, Parsons gets revenge on Dallas with the Cowboys starting a backup tackle. Corey’s sitting pretty everywhere but QB, and while I hate Aaron Rodgers, he might be the right play. The Steelers’ heavy packages could be the secret sauce to beating the Vikings’ pressure. Steelers D can definitely give Wentz that work, so there’s a good chance the Steelers win time of possession and Rodgers drops a few TDs in the bucket to DK and TEs. But if we’re going with a possible T.O.P. argument, then Stroud is the more obvious start because the Texans will absolutely control that Titans game. I’m on Stroud, but it’s mostly just avoiding Rodgers. Stafford is just no. He took a big hit and messed up his back again, and the Rams scored literally zero points in two quarters following.
Brian might have the worst team in Mortydome, and this week’s matchups are trash. What’s the hope? Well, one, Daniels needs to play (but without McLaurin that sucks, too), and two, we need to see serious volume or TDs, which is possible from the likes of Chase, Henderson, BTJ, and Marv. Matthew Golden has been inches away from catching a 90-yard bomb twice already. Dallas’ defense wants him to have it. The other hope is IDP. Corey’s are pretty rough.
Bo Nix is a college QB cosplaying as an NFL QB, but the Bengals have an NFL defense cosplaying as a college one under outmatched Al Golden. NFL defenses have a tendency to bounce back, so Cincy’s collapse against the Vikings rushing attack could spur them to shut down Denver’s rushing attack, but I think Sean Payton will put them in a blender early and often and unlock everything for this offense, leading to Bo Nix’s season-high in scoring. Saquon plays the Bucs. They’ll fuck him up. McConkey’s a glorified flex. London gets locked down by Lattimore. Tyler Warren eats up the Rams LB corps. Amon-Ra eats up everybody. Ken Walker has to split with Charb again, but Seattle will dominate the game. It’s not like Cam is itching to start Worthy anyway. Speaking as someone starting two IDPs from the same team, it’s a floor play, and you better have two studs or all the tackles. Zaire-Bynum provides neither.
Drake Maye vs.CAR is a strong play that Sean is only making because the alternative is Lamb-less Dak against the league’s best defense. Maye has outscored Dak every week, and at this point he has better weapons. Jonathan Taylor faces the Rams who just shut dwn Saquon. Puka is good for 15+ always. Bench Pickens for Horton or Waddle, obviously Waddle but don’t sleep on the return-man scam with Horton, who is also third in targets and second in high-quality targets for Seattle. McBride is going to get all the attention of the Seahawks’ D, and I don’t think he has the juice to win more than a few times. Keenan is fine. Javonte is finally going to fail to reach double digits. I hate Sean’s IDPs, but the results are against me. Jourdan Lewis has been the best corner in the league. The Miami LB combo is a floor play, but it’s hit 20 points every week, and the Fins plays another run-heavy team.
Baker vs. Kyler should be good for some laughs. Kennedy’s not laughing. He’s a sad boy with a sad team. Kyler is a middling fantasy QB playing an elite defense. I’d pivot to Purdy, but with Kyler playing Thursday, it’s hard to wait to see if Purdy plays. So I’d pivot to Darnold. Starting Kyler his week is your ticket to 0-4.
Evan’s lineup is not that impressive outside of Baken Cookn Eggs, but it gets the job done. Jefferson still has an elite floor, Hunter is solid enough regardless of draft price, and Evan always has good IDPs. The Njoku-Tuten at TE-flex is worrisome, for sure. And Evan’s bench is bad. But Kennedy’s team is crumbling before our eyes.
Toodles.
