Burrow and Chase do it again. Shelby taking the final playoff spot is the best thing for all of us. Among the playoff bubble teams, she has the most points. Since Week 9, she’s faced three playoff teams and beaten them all. Thanks to her convincing melee win, she also passed Kennedy in total points, bringing her to fourth overall. If you cut out the first three weeks of the year, she’s on that top tier with Coleman, Sean, and Max.
With Coleman, Oliver, Max, and Shelby in, that makes four teams who have yet to win a Mortydome championship, and Kennedy who hasn’t won since 2017. New blood, and nary a villain angle among them. I was also going to suggest that it’s one of the more foolhardy fields we’ve seen in the playoffs, but then I remembered that we’re all idiots. Still, with Brian, Spencer, and me out of the mix, it’s a cup half-fool.
Thanks to my meltdown and Evan’s last stand, I go from playoff bubble all the way down to tenth fucking place, meaning I could have sewn up a top-four pick, and now I have to worry about possibly finishing last and paying for cross-country shipping of the Jerry. The bright side is that I didn’t bench the winning points this week. I benched plenty of points; I was just that far from winning.
Cameron’s late surge pulls him one crucial spot up in the final standings, where he not only gets the top-four pick, he avoids all roads to last place. Corey also gets the consolation prize of Jerry immunity.
The contenders for the Jerry are Evan, Brian, Spencer, and me, with Spencer the overwhelming favorite, me in second, mantle, crust, and then Evan and Brian a mile up from there.
Coleman and Sean automatically reach the semifinals. Coleman has the “advantage” of getting to play Shelby should she upset Kennedy in the first round. (Spoiler: she should.) Meanwhile, Oliver and Max are sword-fighting over who gets to take the Hawk Tuah pun to the second round. Among playoff teams, Kennedy’s best games are the furthest in the past, but Oliver has the lowest high score at just 173. The hope if you’re Oliver is that your peak is yet to come, and you hope it comes two or three times (are we still doing phrasing?).
Speaking of peaking, I am ecstatic about Sean getting the all-time individual scoring record from Josh Allen in his first game, an absolutely empty win. I also want to open up a discussion of whether the 2nd rounder Spencer got was worth the $10 and control of the cash game going forward. Like, how much money is a 2nd worth? Do we care about making our money back, or are we purely in it for the championship when it comes to trading picks? I’m mostly interested in figuring out how many ways I can emphasize that Josh Allen can’t be traded for anything less than a first in the future. Of course, you throw another player in there. Last year, I traded a 1st and 5th for the Allen-Diggs stack, a price I stand by. I wasn’t willing to do a 1st for Allen straight-up. It’s too much for one player. But Allen and Lamar are more valuable than any other single player.
Other points of order:
It’s time to make any pitches for minor and/or unsexy rule changes for next year. Put it in the chat and we can deliberate about it’s relative impact/sexiness and potentially vote on it now for it to take effect next year. One thing that we’re not voting on but that we are changing is the nature of rivalry week. The last undefeated teams chooses the more than just rivalry matchups. They choose the [Kennedy had the right word; the only thing coming to mind is “scope”] of the matchups (i.e., joust, TD-only, IDPs only, projection-differential, winner gets to swap a starter with the loser, whatever you can think of). I’m also open to it going to the last team with a zero in their W-L, not just the last undefeated.
It’s time to gobble up those keepers. Anyone added before the end of Week 17 is fair game, whether your team is playing or not (5th, 6th, 11th, and 12th will have already been decided). To be keeper-eligible, player needs to be on their NFL team’s active roster at or after the time you add them. Oliver has half-churned Chris Olave. Olave still needs to be activated from IR, looking less likely with Derek Carr out for the year, but at 5-8, the Saints still have a chance to win the godawful NFC South. Trevor Lawrence and Chris Godwin are on IR and not coming back before season’s end, but Evan and I had them on our teams before their IR stints started, so they’re eligible. One grey area based on how we’ve phrased the rule is Michael Penix, who might not play for the Falcons before the season ends, but he will be on the active roster, which I think makes him fair game.
Waivers for Competing
1. Patrick Taylor
2. Sean Tucker
3. Tyler Allgeier
4. EJ Speed
5. Frankie Luvu
6. Quentin Johnston
7a. Danielle Hunter
7b. Will Anderson
8. Jaleel McLaughlin
9a. Gus Edwards
9b. Kimani Vidal
10. Kenny Gainwell
Waivers for Keepers
1. Bryce Young
2. Jalen McMillan
3. Michael Penix
4. Blake Corum
5. Justin Fields
6. Rashod Bateman
7. Josh Hines-Allen
8. Jaylen Wright
9. Elijah Moore
10. Antonio Gibson
Also, maybe it’s a little too impactful, but I want to reopen the discussion of waiver wire reform. Moving to FAAB or daily waivers. Reserving free agency for game days only. Reducing the impact of news opportunism. I would miss the insane dead-of-night free agent frenzies.
What else is there? I don’t know. I really thought I had a chance at the playoffs, and now I’m shifting my attention to being terrified of finishing in last. Stephanie will be very sad if we have to put that trophy on display. Well, whatever, We’ll get into everything else in the Thursday note. Peace.
