Last time on Mortydome…
We had maybe the most aggressive trade season, with one first, five seconds, two thirds, a fourth, and two fifths changing hands. Coleman continued his trend of drafting an awesome team and then watching it slowly fall apart, but with a twist: he did the dismantling himself, and he recouped three seconds, a fifth, and a sixth for his trouble. He even won two postseason matchups to earn the third overall pick.
Other trades of note: Breece Hall for Sam LaPorta (effectively), Justin Fields for Adam Thielen, Justin Herbert for George Kittle, and most importantly, the first three-way trade in league history: Zay Flowers for Christian Kirk for Dallas Goedert.
I went as all-in as a team can go, and I learned a hard lesson, one that I already learned and just decided to say fuck it, let’s see what happens. I traded away my first five picks and built the super-est of super teams, and I got my stupid ass beat in the finals. I let Sean win, which is as close to sin as you can get in this game.
It was the most competitive season, as well. Eleven teams finish between 8-6 and 5-9. Kennedy, Corey, and Brian each had five-game losing streaks. Shelby, Max, and Oliver each had four-game losing streaks. Evan had two separate five-game winning streaks, finishing three games ahead of second place, and lest we forget, he scored 212 points in the semifinals and lost. Shelby lost her four straight to start the season and ended up in a tiebreaker for the final two playoff spots.
Coleman stacked 49ers, Spencer stacked Jags, and they ended up with the same record after each of them failed to have the best of those teams (Aiyuk and Etienne).
Brian tried to take the “value” on injured superstars Cooper Kupp and Jonathan Taylor and got FUCKING COOKED in the process, eventually finishing dead last, even somehow convincing himself to be a buyer, spending a future 2nd on Stefon Diggs, lucky for him I convinced myself I could buy a championship so he did score an extra 1st for the Allen-Diggs stack at the deadline. In hindsight, I should have just traded the first to Sean for James Conner and Ka’imi Fairbairn. (Rejected offers for my 1st: Corey denied me Justin Jefferson, and Spencer denied me Tank Dell plus late keeper status).
The only person I didn’t mention yet is Cameron, who barely left a scratch last season except for his narrow scrape by Oliver in Round 1 and of course his 2nd round pick in Corey’s pocket. Cameron did make the playoffs again, and he did finish second in points. But these things, they don’t matter. Believe me. I finished first in scoring and second overall, and I regret all of it, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Irrelevant!
In real football, the Bucs continued their playoff streak without Tom Brady, beating the Eagles once again and getting damn close to a win against the Lions. The Ravens tore up the regular season only to fall flat on their faces in the playoffs again, this time the most perplexing as all they needed to do was run the fucking ball a couple of times and it would’ve been an easy win over the Chiefs.
Alas, the Chiefs are back-to-back champs, having been to four of the last five Super Bowls and winning three. Imagine being a 49ers fan. How utterly disgusting the past five seasons have been. Two SB losses. They got blown out by the Packers that one year. Then they lost close to their division-rival Rams—this one hurt me, too, as the Bucs were a fluky Cooper Kupp bomb away from making that title game. Now the Chiefs are trying to be the first team to three-peat, and they are better than they were last year.
Sean is also trying the three-peat, and friends, it’s time to seriously consider colluding against him.
Looking ahead to this season, here are the basics:
Scoring details can be found in league settings on sleeper. Generally speaking, QBs are more valuable here than in your average league. Six-point TDs and point-per-first-down go a long way there. IDP scoring rewards tackle-leaders over the course of a season, but your needle-movers are sacks and turnovers. So as the saying goes, get you a man that can do both.
Yearly dues are $75. $50 goes toward year-end prize money and weekly cash games. $25 goes straight in my pocket, per Evan’s rule that pays me to write the weekly note. I wrote a note per week last year, maybe the first time ever?
17 cash games = $170
1st place = $380
2nd place = $75
Every team gets to keep two players from the previous season:
Early keeper – drafted in Rounds 3-9 the year prior, never hit true free agency
Late keeper – drafted in Rounds 10+ or acquired in free agency
Players acquired in trade maintain their original keeper status. To check where each player stands, refer to the History tab in each player’s profile on sleeper.
To be eligible, players must have played in an NFL game between the time you acquired them and end of season. Starting lineup doesn’t matter.
You can announce your keepers early if you want, either to drum up trade interest or sway others’ decisions or just to be a menace. Nothing is final until we get on that Zoom call.
Trading keepers can work in two ways:
1. Keep a player and then trade him.
2. Trade the right to keep a player.
3. Trade the keeper slot itself (for a team to keep an extra player).
(Just make your trades and the league can decide whether it’s in bounds or not.)
Although we have 18 roster spots (plus one IR slot), you can draft more than 18 players. You can exceed the roster limit as a result of a trade or by putting a player on IR. Your roster locks once you exceed the limit or have an ineligible player on IR. I think that whenever you can have an extra player, you should do it until you need to be able to adjust your roster.
In honor of the new NFL kickoff rules, we are going to tweak scoring for Week 1: kickoff return yardage is going to be worth the same as rushing/receiving yardage. After Week 1, we’ll vote to keep it or ditch it.
We are still waiting for Sean to deliver. I’m setting the deadline at August 1. After that, we spam him to death.
Okay, now for the good stuff. Let’s go team-by-team and discuss keepers (full list available here). Generally speaking, I tend to favor keeping players with higher draft capital, but it’s insignificant if they’re within twenty or so spots, the same way that “reaching” doesn’t apply if the player has zero chance of lasting to your next pick. Anyway, here we go, In draft order:
EK: McLaurin, Waddle, Pitts
LK: Mayfield, Singletary, Njoku
McLaurin is a true #1 WR, durable, consistent. Averages 1K yards and 5 TDs per year. Has had the worst fucking QBs (Heinicke, Wentz, Howell) the past three years. And he hasn’t eclipsed 140 targets yet. Meat on the bone. Physical prime. Cold water: rookie QB plus Kingsbury’s “horizontal raid” offense.
Waddle might be stuck in second place in the Dolphins pecking order, maybe third behind the running game, but volume is insignificant when efficiency is through the roof. And if an injury occurred to Some Trash Asshole, Waddle could match that elite production without the compromised morality.
Pitts has the potential to lead the Falcons in all receiving categories, putting up high-end WR numbers in your TE slot. Imagine passing up this opportunity for either of those tiny WRs.
Mayfield is QB1 in terms of vibes and commercial acting, but you can still draft him in the double-digit rounds and put him in your late keeper pool for next year.
“Motor” Singletary, which the Schoen/Daboll brain trust is still desperately trying to make happen, is a legit starter with minimal competition, on an offense with an improved offensive line and a QB who freezes LBs. His total yards in each of his five seasons: 969, 956, 1098, 1099, 1091, average five TDs per year with a high of eight.
David Njoku is one of the few supreme athletes at the TE position. He’s not quite Kyle Pitts, but he’s discounted accordingly. Made his first Pro Bowl last year with 800 yards (6th among TE) and 6 TDs (T-2nd among TEs). New OC Ken Dorsey is expected to add even more explosive plays to offense.
Final answers:
EK Waddle (past production, upside, position I want the most starters at)
LK Njoku (positional scarcity compared to QB/RB)
EK: Kamara, Pittman, Diontae
LK: Stafford, Gus, LaPorta
Kamara is going to lead the Saints in yards and TDs. He did it last year despite playing in three fewer games than Olave, who was close in both. The Saints will suck, but 1200 yards and 10 TDs? That’s a top-20 fantasy player. You know who else Kamara out-gained and out-scored last season?
Michael Pittman—hot take alert—is not a lock to lead the Colts in targets. I’m willing to spoil one of my sleepers and suggest that Josh Downs—who is so smol—is the Colts’ best wide receiver and is poised to make a serious leap.
Diontae Johnson was acquired by Carolina to be the lead receiver. He dominates man coverage, a brilliant offensive coach is scheming him touches, and Bryce Young’s calling card is his accuracy. He’s physically not Keenan Allen, but we’re talking about that level of volume and efficiency, granted a low yards per catch. But that’s 1100-1300 yards and 6-7 TDs, hands down an everyweek starter.
Stafford is someone I will always go to bat for. The Rams’ offense has upward trajectory and we are only three years removed from Stafford chucking 40 TDs and winning a Super Bowl.
Gus Edwards is... interesting. I’ve watched basically all of his games, and he’s a powerful guy who’s made a few great plays as a receiver. His aesthetic is elite, and he scores TDs. He’s not fast, but he doesn’t face stacked boxes, so he breaks off big runs. Like I will be repeating on my death bed, if he’d just gotten five more carries against the Chiefs, the Ravens would have gone on to win the Super Bowl.
Sam LaPorta is the obvious answer, to the point that it’s not worth elaborating.
Final answer:
EK Kamara (even though I’m worried about the age AND usage cliffs)
LK LaPorta (hoping to trade him for a 2nd but also fine playing him)
EK: Walker, Rhamondre, Charbonnet
LK: Purdy, Mostert, Rashee, Wicks, Ferguson
Ken Walker is fast. He likes to bounce all of his runs outside, and he hits a lot of home runs. He’s what Bucs fans hoped Ronald Jones would be. The Seahawks’ o-line is bad, and the offensive coordinator comes from a college system that wasn’t really concerned with running the ball.
Rhamondre Stevenson just got a fat paycheck, top-ten RB money for 2024. He’s a big boy and the Pats brought in the Browns’ OC to establish the run and use playaction. The proper way to envision this is: what if Rhamondre got Nick Chubb-level usage? He won’t hit Chubb-level home runs, but he’s not slow, with 4.5 yards per carry (to Chubb’s 5.3 because Chubb is a monster).
As a matter of fact, Stevenson and Ken Walker boast nearly identical yards per carry. Plus Walker hits the home runs, so he’s had more rushing yards and more TDs on a nearly identical carry count.
Zach Charbonnet was Ken Walker’s backup last year, and he’s a great complement to Walker because while Walker bounces things outside, Charbonnet excels at power inside, and Charbonnet probably wins in pass protection and pass-catching. Walker is way faster and shiftier.
What I’m getting at is Walker and Charbonnet cannibalize each other while Rhamondre has an inside track to a full-time workload, which is rare for RBs in 2024.
Brock Purdy is a good fantasy QB on an elite fantasy offense. He’s in MVP-season Matt Ryan’s offense, if that makes sense, but he’s 24 in this offense whereas Matt Ryan was 31. Kyle Shanahan didn’t stick around beyond Ryan’s MVP season. We’re just getting started here. Brock Purdy could realistically throw 40 TDs this season. OR the Super Bowl exposed Purdy and teams are just going to start housing his shit every time the 49ers need a big play.
If I were playing an elite QB in a regular season game, whether or not I thought I would see the QB again in the playoffs but especially if I thought I would, I would simply rush eight every play, potentially allowing 80 points and looking like an idiot, with the point being to knock the QB on his ass every single play. Every. Single. Play. I would especially do this to Brock Purdy. And Tua. I want them rushing throws because they are just fucking tired of getting hit. Note: I would not do this in the playoffs, not for the whole game. Probably wouldn’t blitz at all the first drive but then house his shit the second drive, then play a more balanced game but every now and then rush eight just to keep him scared and tired.
Raheem Mostert is old. He’s three years younger than me, so he’s basically decaying out there under his pads. I myself become a pile of dust just watching any people play tackle football. But Raheem Mostert is nowhere near the usage cliff. The usage cliff is the number of carries determined to precede a major drop-off in a players’ production. The magic number is 1500 carries. If you total Mostert’s carries, catches, and kick returns, you only get about 820 total touches. And he’s fast. Fast guys are good for longer, at least for fantasy and for breaking huge plays. An underrated aspect of football, where you’d figure the guys that can take the most punishment would be the most valuable, it is in fact the guy who can avoid getting hit or having to take an awkward step that would theoretically outlast any of them. Mostert scored 21 TDs last year, the same as CMC and six more than the next guy.
Rashee Rice drives fast. He’s unlikely to get suspended for it this year, and the Chiefs are unlikely to bench him for it, so ignore all that and focus on Rashee Rice being the answer to the question: what if Deebo Samuel played for Chiefs and didn’t miss as much time due to injury? Rice should go, like, one round after Kelce and Mahomes.
After writing the last three paragraphs, I realized Dontayvion Wicks and Jake Ferguson could not compete here.
Final answer:
EK Rhamondre (volume plus power equals first downs)
LK Brock Purdy (if you might have a top-5 QB, you keep him)
EK Chaad, DJ, Dak
LK Zeke, Queen, Mack
Rachaad White had 336 touches last year. Usually guys with that kind of workload get injured the following year. Usually. But so White was an elite fantasy player last year, and he’s young, and the new OC values an everydown RB. Ignore the 4th rounder the Bucs spent on an everydown RB who’s more skilled albeit less explosive.
DJ Moore just got a massive QB upgrade, and his team brought in a HOF WR and drafted an elite WR prospect with the ninth overall pick. The popular assumption is that DJ Moore is the #1 WR on the team because he’s the best WR on the team, but when they’re all great, it can’t possibly matter who’s greater. It matters who’s open, and it’s probably the one drawing the other team’s worst corner. So in the rare case where the defense’s best cover corner is the nickel, then DJ Moore is a good bet to be the guy. Most of the time, Keenan Allen is going to be the most open.
Dak Prescott is Kirk Cousins minus five years. Definitely good enough to start every week, but you don’t have to pay an early keeper for that.
Ezekiel Elliot is back in Dallas, and the team didn’t bring in any competition as of the beginning of training camp. So whoever they have their eye on, that guy plays for another team right now, and he won’t be on the Cowboys’ roster until after at least the second preseason game, and even then it would be a team stacked at RB just “trying to right by the guy” letting him go a week early. More than likely, any competition for Zeke would be brought in just one week before the start of the regular season. Zeke is the Cowboys’ starting RB again.
Patrick Queen is the best Steelers’ off-ball LB since Ryan Shazier. Mostly because the Steelers’ LBs have suuucked. Queen is good, maybe not great, but he has elite speed, and he learned a lot from playing with Roquan Smith. It’s really easy to see him leading the team in tackles and throwing a good number of money stats on top of them.
Khalil Mack had a career-high 17 sacks last season, including a six-sack game. So we’re probably not counting on him to repeat that. Maybe ten sacks? Before last year, he hadn’t had ten sacks since 2018. So he’s not a priority, but these options are gross enough to keep him in the mix.
Final answer:
EK Chaad (injury risk be damned!)
LK Zeke (age and usage cliffs be damned!)
What Shelby should really do is see if someone with multiple solid late options wants to entertain a trade. Like, looking at Oliver’s guys, you can get a discount on Kyler Murray, Kyren Williams, or Nico Collins. You’ve at least gotta entertain it instead of just keeping Zeke or Queen. Hell, throw me a cheap offer for Antoine Winfield; I’m desperate for draft capital!
EK Cook, Javonte, GW, Ridley
LK Dell, Kincaid
James Cook… sigh, I can’t do it. The only real choice is Garrett Wilson. He’s a borderline first-rounder. Cook last into our third round. Javonte and Ridley are seventh rounders. It’s not a discussion.
Tank Dell staying healthy might have gotten the Texans to the Super Bowl. They brought in Stef Diggs and Joe Mixon because Nico Collins and Dalton Schultz and Devin Singletary just didn’t do enough to pull a defense apart and create the windows Stroud needs to maintain success. But Tank Dell on his own was tearing holes in defenses. And Tank Dell will continue to have huge weeks in fantasy. But his floor… it’s low. Like legit zero, just out there stretching the defense while the other four starters eat, eat, eat underneath.
Dalton Kincaid caught a lot of passes for not a lot of yards last year. The Chiefs’ receiving corps has no clarity, low hope of consolidation, and a chance, a sliver of chance to be worse than they were when Daboll or Dorsey were running things, when Mitch Morse was the center running the pre-snap process. I don’t know if I have room on my roster for a “big slot” slash “move-TE” for a team that has more exciting slot receivers and a fully capable TE—who they already paid big money by the way.
Final answer:
EK Garrett Wilson
LK Tank Dell
Also spending the fifth overall pick on an elite WR. Also trying to pipeline WRs forever by taking rookies in the 10th round every year.
EK London, Andrews, Derwin
LK Rodgers, Warren, Hubbard, Brown, Ramsey
Drake London has the potential to lead the Falcons in yards and TDs, which is exactly what I said about Pitts because I can’t decide which of these guys is better (I think it’s Pitts).
Mark Andrews’ pace last year before getting hurt was 1000 yards and 10 TDs. Then you draft Lamar sixth overall or you’re a coward.
Derwin James needs to be mentioned here in order to build credibility for my keeper pick later. Go Noles.
Aaron Rodgers is an asshole.
Jaylen Warren is fast, the Steelers’ line is good, and Arthur Smith likes to run the ball 30 times a game.
Chuba Hubbard is going to start for the Panthers for at least the first month, and the Panthers beefed up their o-line in a very real way this offseason. Chuba had a 2,000-yard season in college, and the reason is because he can fucking run with that football.
Chase Brown is fast, probably faster than Warren, and he’s got a good chance to start for the Bengals and get the ball in wide open space and hit some home runs.
Jalen Ramsey needs to be mentioned now to further that DB-as-keeper credibility I talked about. Go Noles.
Final answer:
EK Drake London (hoping to trade him for a 2nd)
LK Jaylen Warren (but Chase Brown is right there)
EK Pacheco, Aiyuk, Godwin
LK Kyler, Kyren, Nico
Isiah Pacheco is a workhorse RB for the best team in the league.
Brandon Aiyuk is whining about a contract coming off an unsustainably efficient season. Dude there’s a reason no team was willing to give up their first for you. But my god what a season.
Chris Godwin’s new nickname this year will be Slot God. He will almost definitely lead the Bucs in targets, and the Bucs could easily be a top-10 team in terms of pass volume.
Kyler Murray is all the way back from his ACL injury, and he’s got a shiny new toy in Marvin Harrison, Jr. The Cardinals have done a good job filling out the skill positions: Harrison and Wilson outside, Dortch in the slot, Conner and Benson in the backfield, McBride the Kittle-in-Training. The offensive line is not bad. The offensive coordinator is competent albeit more run-heavy than we prefer in fantasy. Kyler is an easy top-10 QB.
Kyren Williams makes everybody nervous. He was basically the second-best RB in fantasy last year, but he got hurt again, and the Rams spent significant draft capital on Blake Corum. Sean McVay burns through these guys. He does not wait. If Kyren misses time due to injury again, he’s not getting his job back. Like, ever. He’s going to be playing for the Vikings next year.
Nico Collins broke out in Year 3, and this is a trend a lot of great WRs follow. They don’t all do Justin Jefferson/Ja’Marr Chase stuff. Some of them come in raw and develop into great WRs. At 109 targets, it’s unlikely Nico’s volume drops juts because Diggs is involved. If I can say anything negative, it’s that it’s hard to repeat the efficiency. We’re more likely to see those 109 targets yield like 14 yards per catch instead of sixteen, which would knock Nico down about a point per week. Still a stud!
Final answer:
EK Brandon Aiyuk
LK Nico Collins
Anti-fragility: spend your money at the position with the lowest injury probability.
EK Monty, Watson, Thielen, Parsons
LK Stroud, Moss, Okereke (aka Bobby 1)
David Montgomery was a top-12 RB last year (despite missing three games), and nothing has changed about the Lions’ approach to winning games.
Christian Watson did something this offseason where he balanced the weight in his thighs? Supposedly this will significantly lower his chance of a hamstring injury. Idk. The Packers have too deep a WR room. Watson is only worth it over Montgomery if he’s a lock for top-20, and I don’t see it. But I do see the upside, the wheels, the YAC. I think I prefer him among Pack WRs.
Adam Thielen went nuts last year, and the Panthers brought in two WRs to play ahead of him. Thielen is aging gracefully and might go nuts again if there are injuries ahead of him, but man, don’t bet on it.
Micah Parsons is in the conversation for first IDP drafted, but this will be his first season without Dan Quinn as DC. Mike Zimmer might be toast. It might go real bad. I wouldn’t risk it for an IDP when I have an everyweek starter at RB.
CJ Stroud is him, yes?
Zack Moss might not even start for the Bengals.
Bobby Time encore, please.
Final answer:
EK David Montgomery
LK CJ Stroud
EK Swift, Pickens, Engram, Bosa
LK Love, Tua, Zamir, Jameson
D’Andre Swift can’t break a tackle, but he can make people miss. He was so bad in short yardage that the Eagles just started throwing their QB into a pile of dudes every time they were within a yard of the line to gain. In Chicago, he is going to play behind the worst line he’s ever had, with the least experienced QB, with the most competition behind him… Some of these things can be good. More receiving work, more schemed touches in space, more rest.
George Pickens is good at football, but he is allergic to hard work. It’s not enough to cost him playing time, but it’s enough to stack up little errors, little misses, over and over, to the point that even though he’s far and away the top option in the pass game, he just ends up being okay for fantasy. But how dumb will you feel if the hard work doesn’t matter and he has 1,000 yards and 10 TDs?
Evan Engram led all TE in targets, led all but three WRs in catches, averaged 8.4 yards per catch (bad, real bad). The Jags’ offensive changes can be summed up thusly: they brought in two WRs who can clear out the middle of the field for Engram and Kirk. As opposed to trying to make Calvin Ridley an X receiver and feeding him accordingly, they signed Gabe Davis and drafted Brian Thomas. These are deep threats, field stretchers. They aren’t going to displace Trevor’s favorite targets. Sorry. So Engram is a great pick in the fifth round or whatever. He’s not in the conversation with Swift and Pickens, but maybe he should be? Not over Pickens. I can’t. I like his floor over the other two, but the ceiling is just too low.
Nick Bosa is a potential top IDP, just led the league in sacks in 2022 and led TFLs in 2021. Have fun with his MAGA bullshit this season.
Jordan Love signed a 220-million-dollar contract last week. He plays in one of the league’s best offenses, he has elite arm talent, and he knows how to improvise. He runs a little, adding 200-ish yards and a few TDs per year. One criticism is that “we haven’t seen it” consistently, but I don’t fucking care. The offense and the line and the weapons and the coaching and the diehard fans make this crazy ride sustainable.
Tua Tagavailoa signed a 213-million-dollar contract last week, so he’s $7M worse than Jordan Love, so if you’re going to keep a QB, keep the better one.
Zamir White is rocked up and runs fast, but that’s about it! He seems locked into the Raiders’ #1 RB spot, but without money or past production to rely on, he’s one bad game away from losing touches to Alexander Mattison and Ameer Abdullah and Dylan Laube and maybe fucking Leonard Fournette at some point.
[Jameson Williams bet on himself joke here]. I want to invest in the Lions’ offense, but unless I’m targeting one of the big four QBs, I’m not throwing Jordan Love back into the pool for the chance to keep a guy who has yet to top five catches or 70 yards in a single game.
Final answer:
EK George Pickens
LK Jordan Love
EK Achane, Higgins, Crosby, Pollard
LK Goff, Young, Aubrey
De’Von Achane is the fastest RB in the league? I think that’s right. Maybe he’s an injury risk, maybe he’s just a spike-week guy, but it’s a weekly game, and this dude had four 100-yard games in ten games played. He averaged 80 yards and a TD per game as a rookie. Players like Achane are the whole point of this stupid game.
Tee Higgins doesn’t excite me at all. He does finish near WR20 every season he stays healthy, he has an excellent QB, he has that contract-year fire under his feet. He’s also a spike-week player, but the spikes are predictably against bad defenses, and this dude can get blanked by good defenses (e.g., he went 0-for-8 against the Browns last year).
Maxx Crosby is a top-5 DL with the potential to finish at the top. He should be drafted over Higgins and kept over Higgins if Achane doesn’t make it to the draft.
Tony Pollard is worth mentioning as a starting RB but that’s about it in this group of keepers.
Jared Goff took Cameron to the playoffs after Cameron’s other QBs kept blowing out their knees and ankles. Goff enters this season with a bonafide case to be a top-10 QB, and his schedule is beautiful. 14 dome games. Are you kidding? The only thing to bear in mind: you need to plan to trade for a QB before the playoffs. Goff’s last two games are @CHI and @SF. We’re not supposed to draft with the playoff schedule in mind because so much can change, but no matter what, that winter game in Chicago is going to be bad news for Goff.
Bryce Young could be the youngest, most healthy player to win Comeback Player of the Year for how left-for-dead his career was preceding the hire of Dave Canales. I believe Canales is legit. I believe he’s going to get the Panthers scoring around the 21-ppg league average. That’s going to get Young around 4,000 yards and 20+ TDs (last year, Baker had 4K and 28; in 2022, Geno Smith had 4K and 30). If not for Goff, this would be the move.
Brandon Aubrey is a top-3 kicker, and he’s not a bad option if you’d rather not worry about kicker and also target a higher-ceiling QB.
Final answer:
EK De'Von Achane
LK Jared Goff
EK Evans, Flowers, Allen, Watt
LK Palmer, Winfield, Hamilton
Mike Evans is the pick, but two years ago I lost multiple keepers to ACL tears in the week leading up to the draft, so I have to explore contingencies.
Zay Flowers is attached to my bb Lamar and is my only shot at one of the key pieces of the Ravens’ offense. He had 900 yards and six TDs as a rookie, and the arrow is pointing up. The offense is improving, Zay is learning more about beating coverage, and he’s already fucking sick at beating coverage in the Steve-Smithiest of ways. He’s going to be great, but when it comes to Mike Evans, there are literally five WRs I would take over him (Jefferson, Lamb, Chase, Amon-Ra, and AJ Brown; maybe Davante Adams; not STA from MIA).
Keenan Allen is getting faded into oblivion by people overestimating DJ Moore’s grip on WR1 responsibilities when DJ Moore has never had a shred of competition at his position for his entire career. Keenan Allen is better than DJ Moore. He’s slower, sure, doesn’t jump as high, fine, but he gets more open and has better hands and that’s what matters. My fear with the Bears’ offense is that all three WRs get an equal number of targets and that Cole Kmet and D’Andre Swift lead the team in TDs.
TJ Watt should continue to be the top IDP drafted. I can trade him for a great future pick, but I can say the same about Evans. The issue is that I think I would go full-on Liar Liar pen is blue scene trying to fight myself over trading Evans. I would trade Watt right now with no hesitation.
Josh Palmer might be the #1 WR for the Chargers, who have a great offensive staff in charge and an elite QB. It’s truly tempting.
Antoine Winfield is the best safety in the NFC, but he’s 5’9”.
Kyle Hamilton is the best safety in the AFC, and he’s 6’4”.
Final answer:
EK M1K3
LK Kyle Hamilton
Seriously, Shelby, a seventh for Winfield, right now, no negotiating necessary. You’ll already have ten players by then.
Get fucked. You won the championship, and you have Puka as a late keeper?! Get sooo fucked.
Okay, so it’s not even August, and draft day is a solid three weeks, six days away. So I’m guessing I have two more notes for you before then. My guesses for the content of those notes: hot takes to overhype some sleepers and cold water to depress the first rounders. Just to get everyone’s heads fucked before the big day. I’m also going to give you the exclusive scoop on what it’s like to head into the draft without a pick in the first five rounds. Talk soon.
