Week 6 MVP goes to Alex Singleton, who scored 27.5 FP on a Monday night in which he was Sean’s only player against four players going for Oliver. Alex Singleton outscored four players, but mostly he outscored Brandon McManus and Khalil Mack. Oliver started Mike Boone, which is pathetic. It is pathetic to be in Week 6 and to have dedicated so much of your bench to finding breakouts and yet somehow end up starting Mike Boone when—dudes—Deon Jackson just sat in free agency all week. We’re all complicit in the Deon Jackson thing, but Oliver definitely had the worst flex options among us.
Meanwhile Oliver outscored four teams who ate Ws this weekend. Brian sealed his victory when CeeDee Lamb took him just over that crucial 103-point threshold on Sunday night. Max and Shelby handled business against frankly unserious competitors. Coleman needed just 15 points from Justin Herbert in a game in which Herbert ultimately threw 57 passes. Easy, except for the part where Herbert did not turn one of those FIFTY-SEVEN pass attempts into a touchdown. Herbert had 10 FP, 3.7 of which were just his 37 completions (a scoring setting we have to vote out this offseason).
The top five fantasy scorers in Mortydome this week were Joe Burrow, Josh Allen, Matt Ryan, Marcus Mariota, and Ja’Marr Chase. Alex Singleton was eighth, just ahead of Mahomes and Some Trash Asshole. It’s worth mentioning that the top IDP in a given week is actually on one of our rosters. The last time it happened was Week 1, when four of the top five were in starting lineups, led by Minkah Fitzpatrick’s 28 FP. The last two times before that, the player was TJ Watt. And the last one before that was Devin White. This was Singleton’s first week on a roster in Mortydome, and Sean presumably only picked him up because he was the direct backup to Sean’s LB the few weeks prior, who’d been crushing it despite being a fucking nobody. Dammit. There are worse things you can do than filter IDPs by who has the most points this season and then just starting that guy. And if that guy gets hurt, especially if that guy is a MLB, just start whoever’s replacing him. I would like to say it’s more complicated than that, but then I try to do more complicated than that type stuff and it goes terribly. Just follow the points.
There is a five-way tie for last place, a four-way tie for fourth place, Roy with no social security number, and a two-way tie for first.
Brian’s two wins come from scores of 116 and 105, which are two of the bottom three winning scores this year. (Kennedy beat Cameron 114-111 in Week 2.) And even the 116 took a combined 25 FP from his TE and K—granted Brian might have found the secret sauce at both positions.
Spencer has hit an epic snag, scoring 103 and 102 in the last two weeks, and he’s definitely stressed about it, cutting both Darrell Henderson and Elijah Moore this week, replacing them with Dalton Schultz and Pete Werner. These are the moves of a desperate man. I’m not saying they’re bad moves. They just punctuate a very bad stretch of time. (Also go add these players if you have room for a bench stash.)
Max’s record is appropriate, but there’s definitely a tier-break between the bottom two and him. Tom Brady is going to score lots of fantasy points this season. Some Trash Asshole Dolphins Edition might lead all WRs in FP this year. Breece Hall was officially a steal at that 3.01 pick even without the keeper year tacked on. Those three alone have the potential to hit 90 FP any given week. This is a low-key scary team.
Cameron’s starting QBs have been Russell Wilson and Carson Wentz, three times each. Cameron’s weekly QB FP: 22, 11, 1, 30, 25, 2. Wentz broke his finger (or something; I don’t care) and Russ pulled his hamstring, so Cameron is starting Jimmy Garoppolo. It’s pretty much a bit. He really doesn’t care how many points his QB scores. Nor should he. His team is bad. He traded away his best player, arguably a top-12 player going forward. Jimmy G is a white flag. As soon as Cameron takes his sixth loss (probably two weeks from now), anyone with 6+ wins needs to immediately offer a 5th Round pick for Davante Adams. Just see where it goes.
I am also 2-4 despite being third in scoring, and that’s just fantasy football for you. I drafted a volatile team, I probably traded away a player who would’ve ended up being one of my more consistent scorers because I’m living in the past thinking the Texans are a bad team. The Texans are technically a bad team, but they are becoming a good team. I am in shambles at the mention of Dameon Pierce’s name.
Shelby really doesn’t have enough points to be 3-3, but considering she lost to Brian the week he scored 105, I’ll let it go. Shelby’s team is just one of those weird teams that gets involved in weird games. She has good players underachieving, and she has solid young players who are going to be solid. This is the type of team that sneaks into the playoffs, especially when DeAndre Hokpins’ return kickstarts six weeks of 30s from Kyler Murray.
Corey is back to being a team that starts one shaky RB and four good-to-great WRs every week. This is the recipe that made him the champ. Joe Burrow is no Josh Allen, but Joe Burrow did outscore Josh Allen in Week 6. Joe Burrow can hang 30s every week. The rest of this roster is solid. I’m annoyed at how solid it is. Corey could afford to just throw away Week 6 and not even think about it. He’s still 3-3, still one of the better teams in the league.
Oliver has provided the Monday night intrigue all year long. He’s won on a final kick, lost on a final kick, won on IDP stat corrections, lost on IDP anomaly. He’s making Monday night fun, which is good because primetime football fucking sucks, and it mostly sucks because the Broncos keep being featured. I think if Oliver trades Aaron Rodgers for Russell Wilson, we can unfuck a lot of this year’s bad luck. Do it for us.
Coleman did what Oliver tried to do. He stuffed his bench with rookies to star the year, only he actually spent decent picks on the rookies, so the rookies hit. Now he’s got a sick team and a little bit a flexibility to work around these bye weeks. This is where we find Coleman at this time every year. Sometimes he’s even a little bit better. Inevitably, it all falls apart because Coleman has no plan. Holding Mark Ingram for the first seven weeks of 2022 is a clear sign of a man with no plan.
Kennedy is having easily the most exciting season. There was real cause for concern early on. In Week 1 he scored 130ish points and 47 were from Mahomes. Ekeler wasn’t doing shit. Whoever his TE was wasn’t doing shit. His WRs weren’t doing shit. Fournette was fine. Damien Harris was fine. Neither were good enough to get value in a trade. Kennedy got a couple windfalls, though. First he faced Cameron in Week 2, scored 114 for the W. Keenan Allen got hurt, Kennedy added Gerald Everett, and Ekeler and Everett became the Chargers’ whole offense. Kennedy traded Trevor Lawrence for Hollywood Brown and boom, 170 points per week and a three-game winning streak. Scorching hot. But I feel like the tires are about to melt right off. Keenan Allen is back to restore order to the Chargers and put Ekeler and Everett back in normal range. Damien Harris probably lost his job to Rhamondre. And Hollywood is out for two months. Kennedy picked up Robbie Anderson because I guess he can’t get any Methadone. The man is a bad week away from putting Darnell Mooney back in the lineup. So while the ride has been fun for Roy the Rocket, Kennedy set himself up for failure with this name theme. He’s definitely going to end this season with the fantasy equivalent of breaking his neck in the storage room.
Sean is on a five-game winning streak, but three of them were against teams scoring below 125. It’s not any more fraudulent than anything else in fantasy football, but we are right to expect Sean to start losing. It is annoying that Cameron gave Sean a top-12 player, for sure. It makes Sean’s team more intimidating, and I hate every part of it. Still, 5-1 doesn’t quite guarantee you a playoff spot. It feels like a sure thing, but until you actually notch that eighth win, you’re just like us.
Evan should be 6-0, yet he should be 4-2. That’s just a quirk of our stupid game. He shouldn’t have lost to Oliver two weeks ago, but Justin Herbert should have had 15 FP this past week. What I love about Evan’s season is that Josh Allen and AJ Brown’s bye week comes the week that I get to play him. If only Nick Chubb could also have a Week 7 bye.
Two Brothers
I do not remember the all-time record in the series between Kennedy and Coleman, but I remember that Kennedy was basically undefeated until 2019, and then Coleman laid an absolute smackdown on him and the series has been close ever since. This is totally made up, but it feels true, and someone with more time on their hands and something at stake here should vet this for me. What’s important is that Justin Jefferson is out, which would be cool for Kenneyd except that Coleman has nothing but bangers coming off the bench in replacement. He's starting four rookies at WR/FLEX and each one is scoring 20+ this week as the nose of Roy’s rocket starts to tip down. The crux of this matchup is Seahawks-Chargers. Whatever happens with Herbert, Ekeler, and Ken Walker should tilt this matchup.
Northdale Rangers
Shelby and Max’s teams are the fantasy football equivalent of “a face only a mother could love.” Max has the advantage in that he doesn’t have many lineup decisions. What I’m about to say is dumb but true: Shelby will win if she plays the exact right lineup. She has way too many WR/FLEX options, and she has to choose a DL from free agency. BUT the points to win are there. Kyler is going to shred with Hopkins back. Brady is going to shred a shitty division opponent coming off an embarrassing road loss. Max has the Brady-Breece-Asshole trifecta working for him, but Shelby can make up for it elsewhere.
Jimmies and Joes
Corey will have a full lineup this week, and two-thirds of the time, that’s more than Cameron can handle. I am calling my shot here and saying that none of Cameron’s players will exceed 20 FP this week. Raiders’ K Dan Carlson will have more points than either Josh Jacobs or Davante Adams. It’ll be a pretty close matchup, but Joe Burrow and Jakobi Meyers will swing it for Corey.
DC Super Friends
Sean has Jalen Hurts, Dalvin Cook, and Devin Singletary on bye. Brian should be getting back Jameis and Swift. At face value, Brian will have the better lineup this week. Sean appears to be starting Tua coming off a brain injury when Tua’s brain wasn’t, like, A1 to begin with. Jameis Winston is famous for having a brain that people admire. Sean is starting Latavius Murray, and even if he doesn’t, his next best option is the backup to Brian’s starting RB—which obviously is the move, especially since they’re kind of a 1A-1B situation anyway. Brian’s only weakness would be if he actually started CEH and Jeff Wilson over Diontae and Wan’Dale.
Livin’ in a Van Down by the River
Kind of a mixed bag for Oliver and Spencer this week. Spencer kind of has it all on paper, but also on paper are those 205 combined points in the last two weeks. Generally speaking, three weeks of that bad of luck would be too many weeks in a row. Spencer’s got pretty streamlined options this week, though the choice to flex David Montgomery is risky the Patriots very likely to hold them to zero points on Monday night. But I can’t argue against putting Oliver in conflict on Monday night. It seems to be what all of his games come down to, so you might as well pack in that Monday action.
The Grudge
Specifically not a grudge match. This is me holding a grudge against Evan for getting the best of me in fantasy football in myriad ways. He wins our matchups. He wins our trades. He snipes my draft picks, at value. And of course I’ll win this week, but it will only be because Josh Allen, Miles Sanders, and AJ Brown are out. So I won’t even be able to really gloat about it. And I shortsightedly didn’t even keep Dameon Pierce for this matchup. It would’ve been real sweet to start Pitts and Pierce for a combined 40 this week, really pile it on, but no, I prematurely shipped him off. So now I have to tilt my face off adding Gators in free agency, only to hit diminishing returns and somehow let the matchups slip between my fingers, losing like 145-150 when Daniel Jones drops 30 the only week anyone will even use him. Fuck.
Stephanie’s baby shower is this weekend, so if you would like to buy something from our registry (thank you so much to those who already have)...
link: babylist.com/babymathiasregistry
Password: Baby M
No worries if not.
