Evans: 46 catches, 770 yards, 105 FP
Brown: 46 catches, 552 yards, 104 FP
Times Starting QB Has Been Benched
Evans 2
Brown 0
You can probably guess how Brown makes up in fantasy points what he lacks in yardage. The good news for Evans is that all four of his TDs this year have been thrown by Fitzmagic.
I’m proud of how I’ve managed my roster this season. I’ve been much less covetous (sorry, Stafford) and discriminatory (what up, Brees) than usual. I’ve allowed my roster a fluid identity, both in ever-changing team names and carouseling players. Of the 18 players I drafted or kept, just four remain: Kerryon, Evans, Graham, and Collins. Alex Collins is very much available, and I’m surprised I haven’t gotten one offer. In a league where we’re starting Raheem Mostert, Duke Johnson, and Rashaad Penny—not to mention Carlos Hyde—no one’s floating offers for the #18 RB? His floor this year was 4.8, but he averages 9.6. His five rushing touchdowns are good for fifth in the NFL, with only Conner, Gordon, Kamara, and Gurley above him. There are other stats, too, but none that help my case.
SO I clearly like shaking it up, especially as I commence the slow climb from tenth place all the way to sniffing playoff fringe. We have some characters in our league that see more value in holding than making moves, and I get it. You don’t want to be the asshole that drops Marvin Jones before his bye week, only to watch someone else reap the 23 FP and then hear that Golden Tate is leaving. You want to be the person who keeps all the good players and doesn’t risk replacing them with bad players. Of his 18 players drafted, Cameron has retained ten. Before I get any further, let’s see the results of our mid-year draft results.
13 Original Players Remaining
Alan Rails’ Ghost Trains
12
JCor413 2.0
11
Luck Dynasty
Doofus Rick
10
Jimmy String Divas
Better Call Morty
Sleepy Gary
9
Show me Watt you got!
T Mac Dumpster Fire
Fitzpat Rick
6
Rickshank Rickdemption
4
Mirror Rick (that’s me)
I don’t know what there was to learn from this, except that I was pretty sure I had the lowest retention and Cameron was near the highest. Other observations: Coleman has held on too long to depreciating assets, Sean and I drafted based on assumptions that didn’t pan out, and in a given year you can expect to keep about half of your players through the halfway point of our season. Moving on.
I saw that Brandon Marshall got released this week, and it reminded me not only that Cam drafted Marshall (in the ninth) but that he held him through Week 4. He’s not alone. Each of us has held on too long to at least one player this year.
Evan held RoJo though three healthy scratches and a bye week, finally dropping him after a hamstring injury this week.
Corey was still holding Tannehill this wek, even though the one time he needed him (Week 4, Newton’s bye), Tannehill put up negative points. Tannehill has yet to play a full game since.
I stumbled on Kennedy next, and I had trouble pinning down who he’s held or been holding. Many of his players are underachieving, but I’d narrow it down to Doug Baldwin and Geronimo Allison. Baldwin is historically productive but has just 16 points since being activated Week 4. Allison at least had a productive season before going down with a hamstring injury, but how can you justify holding a team’s third/fourth option through a multi-week injury? I mean, if you’re winning, do it, but… you know.
Oliver was still holding Kenny Stills this week, presumably because in Week 1 Stills posted 25 points. But in Weeks 2-7, Stills totaled 12 catches, 185 yards, and two TDs. That’s an average of two catches, 30 yards, and a third of a score. Meanwhile, the league is in the midst of an offensive revolution, and literally ten receivers in free agency manage double digits each week.
By year’s end, Brian will have had Winston on his bench for 13 out of 16 weeks. Otherwise, everyone he’s holding is productive. More on Winston later.
Sean held an extra kicker (Legatron) for five weeks, which was justifiable because he’s K1 in the league, and he got to leave him in the IR slot the whole time. BUT he’s trying way too hard to make the Niners’ running game happen. It’s not going to happen!
Tim has held on to Leonard Fournette, which he kind of has to. But Lenny has nine fantasy points on the season, and the very soonest you’ll get to play him is Week 10. At this point, you should keep pumping quarters into that slot machine, but just think where you could be if you had sold him for 60 cents on the dollar six weeks ago.
Shelby drafted Randall Cobb one pick after Cam took Marshall. Cobb has since started zero games for Shelby, but for some reason, his job is safe.
I think I convinced Spencer to choose Jamaal Williams over Tarik Cohen as his keeper. That is on me. But he came up with idea to hold DeVante Parker for the first four weeks of the season.
Coleman is holding a few duds, and while Rashaad Penny is probably the right answer, Rex Burkhead is pretty baffling. These are third-string RBs.
As for me, I didn’t love having Alfred Morris and Jam Crowder on my team for three straight weeks. If there’s anyone on my team with potential to be the turd I’m keeping warm in my pants, it’s Amari Cooper (but I actually believe in Cooper).
Okay, let’s do the obligatory Jameis Winston piece.
The last five years looked something like this:
Jameis leads FSU to 13-0 and a championship, snatching a Heisman and some crab legs along the way.
FSU makes the playoffs, drawing Mariota’s Ducks in the semis, but Jameis commits many turnovers, including that super ugly one where he was falling over and threw it backwards (actually, I might be mixing two together, but it feels real).
Jameis gets drafted over Mariota. Bucs fans rejoice.
Bucs go 6-10 as Jameis throws for 4,000 yards and makes the Pro-Bowl (as an alternate). HC Lovie Smith gets fired, and OC Dirk Koetter gets promoted, the basis being Bucs fear Koetter will land a HC job elsewhere, and they want Jameis to have consistent leadership as he develops.
Bucs go 9-7 and finish 2nd in the division as Jameis throws another 4K.
The Bucs become a popular pick to win the division and dark horse to reach Super Bowl. Jameis gets injured and misses three games, going 3-10 in the games he does play. Ryan Fitzpatrick goes 2-1 in his stead.
Jameis gets suspended for three games for being a perv. Expectations skew neutral as Bucs improve on o-line and d-line.
Fitzmagic leads Bucs to 2-1 start, throwing for 1,200 yards and narrowly missing out on 3-0 after a 3-int (one pick-six) performance against Pittsburgh.
Jameis’ suspension ends, but with him out for so long, Fitzmagic hot enough, and the bye the following week, Koetter opts to stay in the flames one more game. Fitzmagic goes 9-for-18 for 126 and a pick in first half as Bucs go down 35. Jameis starts the second half and finishes the game, going 16-for-20 for 145 yards, 1 TD, and 2 INT against a defense up by a million keeping everything in front of them.
Jameis is announced the permanent starter. In the next three games, he throws for 1,036 yards, 5 TDs, and 8 INT, suffering 11 sacks and rushing for 100 yards and a TD. He also lost one of four fumbles. Benched for Fitzmagic on Sunday, Jameis totaled 1,100 yards, 6 TDs, and 9 turnovers as starter, going 1-2.
The Bucs are 3-4, Fitzmagic is named the starter, and “the Bucs have not closed the door” on Jameis playing again this season.
I’m sure there was a cleaner summary available. Anyway, we have a problem, and the problem isn’t that Jameis Winston isn’t franchise-QB material. The problem is that perception is that Jameis Winston isn’t franchise-QB material. The compound problem is that, come January, the Bucs don’t owe Jameis anything, and on top of that, the window to win-now resembles the window in M. Night Shyamalan’s Split (for conext, the girl in this scene is being held captive by James McAvoy’s character, who thinks he’s s seven-year-old boy. In the metaphor, we are the girl, and Jameis is James McAvoy).
We have to have fun with this, or else it’s just sad. And confusing. By benching each QB for the other, Dirk Koetter has set a dangerous precedent. Now, the Bucs starting QB has pressure coming from behind him, when we all know he already has enough pressure to worry about in front of him (and I’m not just talking about the pressure of living up to DeSean Jackson’s expectations). Is it possible to play well when you know that turning the ball over too many times means the hook for you? Sure, anything is possible.
I worry about the Bucs’ future. I do. But right now, there’s no time to worry about the Bucs future. Right now, there’s Cam Newton. That’s what I want to care about. Let’s beat Cam Newton, and I don’t care how we do it. Let the media tell the Jameis Winston story. I think it’s all gossip. One thing I will be interested in is whether Jameis acts like a backup QB or a cheerleader. I think it’s obvious which one is desirable (I mean, unless you’re looking at Brian’s slack avatar).
Of course I have more thought on it, and the main one is this: Jameis Winston needs to be okay being a team player. This team tried to make him a captain, and he made fools out of them. Now, they want Evans and Marpet to be their captains, and Jameis needs to be okay with that. I didn’t like the way he responded to losing the captain vote. It gave the impression that he would continue to behave like a captain even though he is not the captain. Dude, that’s the whole point of the vote. They are deciding who they want behaving like they are in charge, and right now, they don’t want it to be you. Beyond that, on his benching, he said something like it’s the beginning of his comeback story, and I just want to barf. That’s some Instagram wannabeyonce shit to say. Just hold the clipboard like every other backup QB, be ready for your opportunity, and most importantly, shut the fuck up. Let the air back into the room, and let’s beat Carolina.
Let’s get to the recaps.
D Mat Sewage Water 143 over T Mac Dumpster Fire 106
Dudes, I won a game! (I don’t know if you know, but I had lost four straight. Fuck you, October!) Massive games from AP, Evans, Marvin Jones, and Chris Carson helped me coast to victory, and I traded for all of them. Can you sense the mania? I’m elated by my trades paying off, even when Rodgers only scored 16. The thing about Rodgers scoring 16 is that it feels like a floor, unlike with Andy Dalton, where it feels like the norm. Tim had some good scorers, but his best player would have been my fourth best. So I finally got some of that luck I’ve been missing so badly, which is good because Adarius Taylor was not a smart play. I had no idea how effing slow he was. I was low-key hoping I could just ride him the rest of the season, but that’s clearly not happening. Don’t let the low output for Tim fool you. He has Julio Jones coming off bye, Aaron Jones ascending, and soon Fournette returning to set up a playoff run.
Luck Dynasty 163 Rickshank Rickdemption 117
Good things happen when you start Andrew Luck. Better things happen when you play a team starting Jordy Nelson and two 49ers’ RBs. Aside from those three foibles, Sean had a solid outing. But Shelby led the league in points on the back of a team effort. Eight players hit double digits, including her DB and kicker. That’s how you stay above .500. The best part was probably Jessie Bates getting Jameis benched while securing Shelby’s win. I mean, I’m sure “best” is a lazy adjective. But I’m sure Shelby didn’t mind her dart throw knocking out Brian’s starting QB. I don’t know when or why the Brian-Shelby rivalry started, but I dig it. But then, I guess when you’re undefeated, everyone kind of thinks they’re you’re rival. Sean knew he was going to lose when he had to bench two-thirds of his only consistent scorers for their bye, so I’m sure he doesn’t care if I blow off the rest of this recap.
Fitzpat Rick 159 over Alan Rails Gets Railed 123
When Mahomes and Conner combine for 70, you don’t need much else. But when Sammy Watkins and chip in 37, then it’s really over for whoever you’re playing. I would love to see the odds of Watkins and Jackson both booming in one week. It actually happened already this season, but with Spe’s luck, he had both of them benched for Jarvis Landry and Jordy Nelson. Oh my god, he did indeed bench them for Landry and Kupp, who combined for 12 while Jax and Watkins combined for 34, in a matchup Spe lost by 5. Old wounds!
Coleman actually had a fine game, getting another solid start from Mr. Bisuit, who’s scored 60+ over the last two weeks. Gotskowski is also on a tear, scoring like 30 in his last two. But when you’re pinched into starting Rashaad Penny, who plays exclusively on special teams, you don’t even need me to finish this sen
JCor 413 2.0 118 over Doofus Rick 103
Boy, what Coleman would have given to play either of these teams. What a dud. Oliver started the week with 40 combined between Lamar Miller and Will Fuller, but when Fuller tore his ACL, I think this fake team felt it. Oliver’s highest scorer after Thursday was Drew Brees, with 10. With 34 from Cam Newton, Corey was able to scrape by. Oliver would have won had he started Goff over Brees, further fulfilling the theme of his season.
Show me Watt you got! 134 over Jimmy G String Divas 121
Evan is rising. He’s on a two-game streak, and he’s cut that fat that dragged him to 2-4 in the first place. Now he seemingly has RBs and doesn’t need his three WRs to boom every week. It would help if they did, but they won’t. John Brown especially won’t, but you won’t get Evan to believe it. Considering Cam was without Matt Ryan and Zeke in this one, he put up solid numbers. Really, it came down to shitty defense and kicker. Just an average starter at each position would have helped Cam eat the W.
New England Defense 17 over Matt Milano 13
Sorry, K. 4-4 would have looked real good.
Million Ants (Rodgers) over Alan Rails (Mr. Biscuit)
Better Call (Fitzmagic) over Doofus Rick (Brees)
Rickshank (Gurley) over Sleepy (Wilson)
Jimmy G (Zeke) over JCor (Newton)
Dynasty (Cohen) over Dumpster (Julio)
Fitzpat (Mahomes) over Show me (Kelce)
Make some trades before it’s too laaaate!
