this week’s MORTYDOME note
There are three keys to winning a fantasy football championship. You have to draft a good team, you have to make moves that improve your team during the year, and you have to get lucky. That luck can show itself in different ways.
The RB renaissance was unforeseen. After McCaffrey, three WRs and a QB went off the board, and for our league, that was chalk. The teams the started the season with three starting RBs dominated scoring and made the playoffs because almost every starting RB got a heavy workload and stayed healthy. Among non-QBs, RBs made up 13 of the top 14 scorers. Last year’s RBs were only two of the top five and eight of the top 14. I’m talking total points by the way, which factors in missed time. On a points-per-game basis, RBs are always good. It’s the consistent absences that bring them down. Even when it comes to our championship, it was the last remaining ceRBeri. Max lost Kamara, Kennedy lost CMC and DMG, and Oliver had Mixon and the lesser Robinson fall off a cliff (after they both had Week 14 byes!).
Schedule luck is always huge. Corey definitely won more than his total points would have projected. Sean lost some matchups where he had huge scores. But the most interesting thing I saw was that Evan single-handledly knocked two teams out of the playoffs. He beat Cameron in Week 5, Corey in Week 8, Cameron in Rivalry Week, and then he got a Week 14 melee win that helped knock Corey out of the playoffs.
As bad as Sean’s schedule luck was, Max’s was worse. Max faced opponents who scored 183, 197, and 186 for three of his eight losses. Here are team’s worst three-game average and highest points-against:
Cameron – 204, 235
Doak – 193, 203
Spencer – 191, 219
Max – 188, 197
Kennedy – 186, 209
Brian – 183, 186
Oliver – 182, 195
Sean* – 180, 209
Corey – 178, 187
Shelby* – 177, 183
Evan – 173, 179
Coleman – 171, 177
*indicates teams who didn’t lose all three games
Okay, so turns out Cameron had it worse. Three people cracked the all-time top ten weekly scores, and Cameron was on the receivng end of two (Spencer caught the third). I also had it pretty bad in that two of my worst three were losses to Sean (and the other was a loss to Cameron, so do I technically get the crown of thorns as league’s biggest martyr?) Max actually settles for fourth here, but when you consider all the points he scored, you kind of feel like he got the most screwed out of the championship contenders. A lot of qualifiers there, but anecdotally, indisputable.
And because why not, the best three-game averages and top scores:
Coleman – 206, 217
Sean – 194. 203
Brian – 194, 235
Max – 193. 195
Shelby – 189, 209
Corey – 177, 183
Kennedy – 176, 188
Doak – 175, 177
Evan – 174, 219
Cameron – 173, 198
Oliver – 164, 173
Spe – 154, 155
The data also confirms: Coleman is The Chosen One.
Okay so we know who got lucky. Who drafted a good team?
Worst Pick: Caleb Williams
He was two games short of being worthless. In Weeks 5 and 6, Caleb scored 31 and 38 FP, and Oliver won both games. Beyond that, he has been embarrassing. He did have three more 30-pointers, in Weeks 12, 13, and 16. But the six single-digit games—including two 1-pointers—make it impossible to trust him. Oliver only went for it early because he thought his season was coming to an early end. Once he had playoff hopes, Caleb was on the bench for good.
Worst Value: Rome Odunze
The Bears are bad! So bad that’s it’s hard to tell whether Rome is good! He has essentially the same stats as Marvin Harrison minus a few TDs (which can be written off to increased target competition for Rome and the inexplicable zero receiving TDs for Trey McBride). We’re sure Rome is qualified to have been picked soon after Marvin Harrison, but we’re not sure if he can assume DJ Moore or Keenan Allen’s responsibilities (in a world where we’re pretending the Bears’ situation is salvageable).
Honorable Worst: Marvin Harrison
Given how many good WRs were already off the board, it was a good pick at the time. Harrison is WR1 on an okay offense, attached to a QB who we still thought had a chance to be elite. The 16-game sample is decent: 57 catches, 820 yards, 8 TDs, top-30 WR. Respectable rookie stuff. But at his adjusted draft cost of ~13th WR drafted, it’s a blown pick. However, among WRs drafted in the 2nd Round in Mortydome, Harrison is the cream of the crop (the others were Olave and Waddle).
Best Pick: Jayden Daniels
No contest. Jayden had a couple bad games against Pittsburgh and Philly, but otherwise he’s been dropping 25+, often 30+, and in the rematch with Philly he topped 50 and helped Brian have the second best week Mortydome history.
Best Value: Bucky Irving
Not a week goes by where I don’t hold my breath and try to go back in time to take Bucky with my 12th Round pick, before he slipped to Corey at 13.01. Not only is Bucky a legitimate starter now, Corey’s got him for his entire rookie deal under these new keeper rules. And I really needed a starting RB! I’m such a fool!
Honorable Mentions:
Malik Nabers - If not for [gestures vaguely at Giants], Nabers was going to lead all the rookie receiving stats. The concussion didn’t help, but the tank ruined all hope. Now he won’t lead the rookies in any receiving stats.
Brian Thomas – rookie lead for yards and TDs, second to Bucky in rookie FP. Had a few good games with Trevor, has been fucking sick with Mac.
Brock Bowers – rookie lead for catches, leads ALL TEs in FP. Trails BTJ by just 21 yards.
Wasted First Rounder: Some Trash Asshole
11 of 12 first-rounders played pretty much the whole season, and he was one of them. CMC barely played, but he scored some points and and returned a future pick. In fact, Corey won both games in which he started McCaffrey. STA had two 100-yard games (one in Week 1), six straight weeks of being a detriment, and then was, like, acceptable down the stretch. All of the other first-rounders were gods.
Worst Round: 7th
I will just let the names do the talking: Aidan Hutchinson, Christian Kirk, Justin Tucker, Najee Harris, Derwin James, Zamir White, Trey Benson, Bobby O, Zack Moss, Evan Engram, Caleb Williams, Brock Purdy.
(Honorable Mention: 2nd
Half of the picks were busts, while the following two rounds had higher hit rates. Sure, this is when everyone got their QBs, but it was also the scene of the crime where Max drafted Lamar at 2.11 when Corey already had a QB and 3.02 would have meant a keeper year (with the caveat that I would have tried desperately to trade Corey for the 3.01, but he wouldn’t necessarily have accepted).)
Best Round: 8th
What made Round 7 so bad was that this was the round after: Brian Thomas, Tony Pollard, Myles Garrett, Justin Herbert, Ladd McConkey, Khalil Shakir, Jordan Addison, and Jameson Williams (plus some scrubs). This is a lesson learned for future drafts. There will come a time when the players at the top of the default rankings get gross and weird, and you need to get ahead of that. Zamir White over any of the aforementioned eighth-rounders is malpractice.
Teams that acquired players before the draft got: McBride for Mostert, Nico for Hockenson, Winfield for Shakir, and Kyler for Caleb.
RBs taken in the first five rounds: 12 were amazing; only CMC, ETN, Pacheco, and Brooks were duds.
Rookie receivers taken between the 5th and 8th rounds (Bowers, BTJ, Ladd) each had over 1,000 yards. Nabers was the only rookie receiver outside that range to accomplish the feat. Notable rookies taken in that range or earlier: MHJ, Odunze, Brooks, Benson, two of the first three WRs and the first two taken in the NFL Draft.
Burrow 2.07 - Shelby
Lamar 2.11 - Max
Nabers 3.08 - Spe
Kittle 4.06 - Oliver
Higgins 4.07 - Brian
Godwin 5.09 - Evan
Daniels 5.11 - Brian
Zaire 6.11 - Max
JSN 6.12 - Corey
Addison 8.10 - Coleman
Jameson 8.11 - Max
Bolton 10.03 - Cam
Dobbins 11.05 - Spe
Aubrey 11.10 - Cam
Shaheed 11.12 - Sean
Bucky 13.01 - Corey
Goff 14.12 - Corey
Meyers 15.01 - Corey
Baker 16.04 - Evan
(I can’t include Sutton, Chase Brown, Chuba, Tyrone Tracy, or Bo Nix because the teams that drafted let them go before they popped.)
Corey cleaned up, especially during literal mop-up time. I could have included Hutch and Mooney as steals, but Hutch got hurt and Mooney started to disappear every other week. Had Corey picked literally anybody else with his first four (CMC, Mahomes, Pacheco, Pittman), he would have made the playoffs and maybe even competed for the championship.
But in terms of overall retroactive draft grades, Sean would be the tops. He came in with Puka as a keeper, and even though he only played nine weeks, he led all WRs in 100-yard games. He made the new keeper rule and traded for McBride, who was just one point per game away from being TE1. Sean’s first three picks were Saquon, Conner, and Cook. Saquon rushed for 2,000 yards and easily finished RB1, Conner and Cook finished top-10. Sean might convince the rest of us to punt IDP, as he managed to put a solid crew together in the first couple weeks of free agency, adjusting one here and there but relying on Van Ginkel and Cross all year (how’d that work out for you in the finals? Yeah, get fucked.)
And Spencer would be on the bottom. Josh Allen is a great first, and Nabers a great third, but the surrounding picks of Etienne, Kincaid, and Odunze, taking the luxury of Roquan in the 5th while legit starting RBs were available… The point is, there are lessons to learn, there are ways for all of us to win the draft and put more importance on regular season moves. When we slip in the draft, not only do we paint ourselves into a corner, we give more freedom for expression to the people who drafted well.
Take the early QB: Josh Allen can take you to the finals, or he can get you a sweet pick. Spencer kind of blew it by neglecting to negotiate, netting the 14th overall when going back to Oliver for a counter would have netted the 9th or 10th overall—the difference this year would have been huge, as picks 9-14, in order, were AJB, Lamb, JT, Saquon, Henry, Olave. Spencer effectively misses out on everyone but Olave there. But still, in a hard-luck season where the risky picks went kersplat, getting back an early 2nd is huge, and the RBs and WRs in that range don’t guarantee that kind of return.
Never take the consensus #1. Usually, it’s not as bad as CMC this year, but the consensus #1 never finishes #1. So you might as well be a little contrarian. Blessed are we that have Brian picking #1 next year. He loves a contrarian take.
Ignore the rankings, if you have the time. Don’t get caught drafting the guy at the top of the list if you don’t believe in him. Also, George Kittle was ranked, like, TE6 going into this year’s draft based on having core muscle surgery in April? Something like that. Don’t fade George Kittle. Other ridiculous fades: David Montgomery, Tee Higgins, Chris Godwin, all available after the halfway point of the 4th round.
The early IDPs are worth it. Then stop. The default rankings are trash after the top five at each spot, and even at the top I’m pretty DB rankings are broken. Get yourself one stud IDP, more if you legitimately have the luxury, and then punt (well, maybe not punt, but get your offense together first). But be ready to play the waiver-wire HARD the first few weeks.
Injured players are not worth it. This year, we drafted CMC, Kupp, Brooks, Chubb, Hollywood, and Hockenson, knowing they were injured, and none of them worked out. Kupp was the closest to “working out,” with an excellent Week 1 and six good weeks out of seven from Weeks 8-14. Scored 8 FP in the playoffs. Total. Including a zero in Week15, which maybe was a good thing in other leagues because it gave you confidence to bench him for Weeks 16 and 17. But yeah, seven good games was the best-csse scenario for drafting an injured player. (Well, ignoring the 2nd Corey could’ve gotten for CMC).
If I didn’t emphasize it enough before, try to have a good read on when the sure things are gone, and have a philosophy about where you go from there. This year, the sure things were gone in the Round 6-7 range. Some people went for Zamir White, Javonte Williams, Zack Moss, Raheem Mostert, and Nick Chubb. All of those teams missed the playoffs. Playoff teams picked Maxx Crosby, Rhamondre, Flowers, Zaire, Najee, to name a few. Corey broke the backboard with JSN and Hutch at the turn. JSN and Hutch are exemplary picks in this range. Bet on breakouts from pedigree players.
Late Round QB continues to work. Here are the QBs taken in late-keeper range (Rounds 13 on): Goff, Nix, Cousins, Mayfield, Winston. Obviously Cousins didn’t work and Winston was for fun, but that’s three of five not just hitting but being just south of elite. That won’t happen every year, but in previous years, we were getting these type of difference-makers later in free agency. So they’re always available late, and they’re semi-predictable. Goff and Baker specifically were very predictable. Current QB7 Sam Darnold went undrafted—again, semi-predictable.
Picking up a Sam Darnold can change your season. Just look at Coleman, losing Hurts for the final round of the playoffs, getting to plug-in Darnold for free and getting 33 FP, outscoring the stud QB that cost Sean a 2nd. Let’s look at some other in-season swings that went yard and some that saw the bat fly into the stands.
Between the draft and Week 1:
I add Isaiah Likely on a lark, Likely drops 23 in Week 1, Max gives me LaPorta for him during the Lions’ early bye.
Brian and I swap DeAndre Hopkins for Brian Burns, both end up dropping them. I add Burns again later and use him in a trade (back to Brian) with a 9th for Tee Higgins, end up getting the 9th back when I give up Brian Thomas for love of Brian’s mission to collect the Brians (and for a 4th; I still regret it because BTJ became worth probably a 2nd in next year’s draft, which I was pretty sure he would; I have plenty of options for that mid-keeper, but Thomas blows them out of the water). Eventually Hopkins is added and traded for DeVonta Smith, which felt like a big deal but resulted in diddly.
Sean, Brian, and I add elite IDPs EJ Speed, JOK, Brian Branch, and Budda Baker, all of whom end there averaging double-digit points per game. Budda and Branch finish first and second in DB scoring. (Sean’s eventual add Nick Cross finishes 5th.) High-drafted DBs Kyle Hamilton and Derwin James finish 8th and 13th respectively.
Kennedy and I swap Romeo Doubs for Chuba Hubbard. I eventually drop Hubbard and re-add him, Hubbard goes on to finish 13th in RB scoring, one of just 17 non-QBs to top 250 FP this year.
Max adds Jordan Mason a few days before it’s announced that McCaffrey will miss the first game. Mason scores 50 points over the first two weeks, giving Max his first two wins before cooling off and being a non-factor in the rest of Max’s season, but what a run.
Coleman gets under the roster limit by dropping Tyrone Tracy, who takes a month to win the job but evetnually becomes a solid starter from Brian. Nice full-circle for Brian, who had to drop a bunch of dudes before Week 1 last year, one of whom went on to be a solid starting RB.
Oliver adds KeiSean Nixon, who goes on to be DB3 (granted, Oliver missed out on the hot stretch to end the year.)
Just goes to show how impactful some moves in between the draft and the season can be, when I think some people default to trusting their draft and letting the chips fall.
You can’t grow without letting go. Here are some worthwhile draft picks that were sharp early-season drops: Curtis Samuel, Marvin Mims, Ernie Jones, Trey Benson, Troy Franklin, Aaron Rodgers, DeAndre Hopkins, Samaje Perine, Alexander Mattison, Diontae Johnson, Kyler Murray, Joshua Palmer, Ja’Lynn Polk, Tyler Lockett, Javonte Williams, Josh Hines-Allen, Adonai Mitchell.
But good things take time to grow. Here are some cuts made too early: Chuba Hubbard, Tyrone Tracy, Antonio Gibson (easily the most impactful trade piece to never score fantasy points in anyone’s lineup), EJ Speed, Bo Nix, Rico Dowdle, Chase Brown, Sam Darnold, Jauan Jennings (dropped the week before his 39-pointer).
Best in-season adds, in chronological order: Zack Baun, Robert Spillane, Germaine Pratt, Logan Wilson, Andrew Van Ginkel, Nick Cross, Jordan Whittington (for a blip), Brian Burns, Chuba Hubbard, Xavier Legette (keeper hopes), Sam Darnold, Austin Seibert, Zach Ertz, Rico Dowdle, Justin Fields (blip), Alontae Taylor, Josh Downs, EJ Speed, Tucker Kraft, Chase McLaughlin, Harold Landry, Tank Bigsby, Tyrone Tracy, Chris Boswell, Danielle Hunter, Jake Bates, Frankie Luvu, Jameis Winston, Ernie Jones (Seattle), Drake Maye, Nakobe Dean, Tua Tagovailoa, Cade Otton (sans Evans), Jerry Jeudy (avec Jameis), Jaylen Warren, DeAndre Hopkins (Chiefs), Trevor Lawrence (keeper hopes), Adam Thielen, Kaden Elliss, Taysom Hill (Week 9), Jon Greenard, Greg Rousseau (second half), Bo Nix (mid-November), Jonnu Smith, Anthony Richardson, Trey Hendrickson, Cam Dicker, Nik Bonitto, Isaac Guerendo, Marvin Mims (December),
Best late-season adds purely for keeper hopes: Brock Purdy (keeper hopes), Jerome Ford, Sincere McCormick (jk), Jalen McMillan, Michael Penix, Bryce Young, Hollywood Brown, Nick Bosa (cursed, tho), Tom Brady
Guys who kept making the team to little avail: Khalil Mack, Dalton Schultz, Blake Corum, Montez Sweat, Greg Rousseau (first half), Derek Carr, Keion White, Cam Akers, Ja’Lynn Polk, Boye Mafe, Kirk Cousins, Trey Benson, Ray-Ray McCloud, Sean Tucker, Aaron Rodgers,
Hyped up adds with little-to-no payoff: Carson Steele, Jauan Jennings, Dontayvion Wicks, Allen Lazard, Tre Tucker, Cedric Tillman, Mike Gesicki, Dexter Lawrence, Parker Washington, Sincere McCormick
Players Oliver added and dropped without waiting for the payoff: Sam Darnold, Chris Boswell, Taysom Hill, Ladd McConkey, Nick Bosa. Hates whites.
QBs Doak started, in chronological order:
Kyler (L,L)
Minshew (W)
Fields (W)
Geno (W)
Flacco (L)
Geno (L)
Jameis (L,L)
Stafford (W)
Jameis (L,W,W,L)
Purdy (L)
Richardson (W)
Nine different QBs, wins from six of them. Only QB with multiple wins was Jameis, of course. Also got very close to starting Trevor one weke and Bo Nix another. But my Kyler poison pill paid off, I got to have one more fling with Jameis, and now I have three QBs with late-keeper status.
The hottest FA stretch that never was: in a one-week stretch in late October, Brian added Jerry Jeudy, Bo Nix, Jalen McMillan, and Jaylen Warren, but he ended up dropping all of them. Soon after, I added Jeudy, Warren, Ernie Jones, Josey Jewell, and Isaac Guerendo and dropped them all.
Sadly, I don’t have the time or motivation to get into start-sit stuff, even though I know it would be cool to see. Anecdotally, I had two weeks where just one logical switch would have flipped a loss to a win, but there were at least two wins where my opponent had the winning points on the bench, so I don’t think the game comes down to our own decisions enough to make a whole thing out of it. The most important thing to remember about start-sit is that in the beginning of the year you want to flood your whole roster with starters and lottery tickets and potential payout, but as the season unfolds, you want a roster where you feel confident in your starters and have reliable backups, and this is where we can improve as traders. The specifics of how to improve I will keep to myself until I win again or until I see someone else do it consistently and have success.
Once upon a time, you all let me enforce a playoff format where we all made the playoffs, the top four teams got byes, only the four first-round losers got to play for the first pick, the format was so complicated that I had to make a graphic and link to it, and now sleeper refuses to recognize Corey as that year’s champion because there were technically “no playoffs.” (I already talked to customer service. It’s over.) Corey was the 8-seed that year, based on a 13-week season. It was, poetically, the second-coming of JCor413. The details don’t matter.
I like knowing where teams stack up after the regular season, but sleeper does a poor job stracking this. It simplifies everything, excludes and obscures, isn’t the “people’s” platform I hoped it would be come. It’s basically evolved into a video poker machine with a fantasy football add-on.
ANYWAY, here is everyone’s W-L record (if every week were a melee) and total points and points by position.
1. Coleman: 3-0, 558*
2. Brian 2-1 557
3. Max 2-1 528
4. Sean 2-1, 523
5. Kennedy 2-1 472
6. Corey 2-1 463
7. Doak 2-1 456
8. Shelby: 1-2, 420
9. Cameron: 0-3, 448
10. Evan: 0-3, 419
11. Spe: 0-3, 323
12. Oliver: 0-3, 226
*scored 186, 186, 185 in the final three games. Chosen One. Especially when you consider that Max led the league in scoring the two weeks he wasn’t facing Coleman. Brian led the other week with his historic 235.
1. Corey 41
2. Brian 40
3. Max 39
4. Evan 37
5. Sean 33
6. Shelby 31
7. Coleman 24
8. Cameron 23
9. Doak 22
10. Oliver 13
11. Kennedy 12
12. Spencer 6
1. Sean 67
2. Coleman 59
3. Brian 53
4. Max 41
5. Shelby 37
6. Corey 31
7. Kennedy 30
8. Doak 28
9. Oliver 27
10. Evan 20
11. Spe 13
12. Cameron 9
1. Cam 59
2. Kennedy 55
3. Doak 44
4. Spe 43
5. Coleman 42
6. Max 37
7. Brian 36
8. Corey 35
9. Evan 29
10. Shelby 25
11. Sean 24
12. Oliver 12
1. Doak 15
2. Sean 13
3. Kennedy 12
4. Corey 11
5. Max 10
6. Shelby 9
7. Coleman 9
8. Oliver 8
9. Cameron 7
10. Brian 7
11. Evan 6
12. Spe 5
1. Brian 14
2. Cam 14
3. Doak 12
4. Kennedy 12
5. Evan 11
6. Spe 10
7. Coleman 9
8. Corey 9
9. Shelby 7
10. Max 6
11. Sean 5
12. Oliver 3
1. Doak 12
2. Kennedy 12
3. Brian 11
4. Corey 10
5. Max 10
6. Coleman 9
7. Cameron 8
8. Evan 8
9. Oliver 7
10. Shelby 7
11. Sean 6
12. Spe 4
1. Coleman 23
2. Max 22
3. Evan 19
4. Sean 18
5. Shelby 16
6. Spe 16
7. Corey 15
8. Kennedy 13
9. Cam 12
10. Brian 8
11. Doak 7
12. Oliver 5
1. Cam 17
2. Brian 15
3. Doak 12
4. Max 10
5. Kennedy 10
6. Spe 9
7. Evan 8
8. Coleman 8
9. Shelby 6
10. Sean 6
11. Corey 1
12. Oliver 0
1. Max 42
2. Coleman 41
3. Cam 36
4. Evan 35
5. Kennedy 35
6. Brian 34
7. Sean 31
8. Doak 31
9. Shelby 29
10. Spe 29
11. Corey 27
12. Oliver 13
Brian – channel this energy to begin next season. Manifest facing one of the worst six teams every week.
Cameron – No more Dak. No more Dak. Ask God Almighty, please, no more Dak!
Coleman – Rest on your laurels. Laurels are hella comfy.
Corey – Rest. Ice. Compression. Elevation.
Doak – You’re getting a real team again. You can relax on the waiver grind (never!)
Evan – There’s comfort in knowing this was your worst season ever, and it’s over.
Kennedy – keep on braining big, just also solve QB before the playoffs start.
Max – your probation is over, enjoy full league membership (where I give you more shit)
Oliver – ask yourself every so often during the trade deadline, “Is this an intrusive thought?”
Sean – pretty sure we’re all gonna gang up on you next year, too, out of habit
Shelby – you’ll have to trade up in the 1st if you want your Bengal stack back
Spencer – your phone lets you open the sleeper app more than once a week
Not sure where else to put this: shout out to Spencer for being the only person to start a QB for negative points, and to do it in Week 17 having already locked up last place and not technically even playing, burning the potential keeper spot in self-effegy, chef’s kiss. I hearby decree the plague upon this year vanquished and look forward to your resurgence in 2025.
Cam locks up the 3rd overall pick with big games from Ladd, Conklin, Bates, and Bolton. Left 14 points on the bench by starting Bryce Young over Bo Nix as a bit. Evan gets a combined 1.7 from Hopkins and Lavonte, so he losing by fewer than four points despite a season-high 45 from Baker, his third game of 40+. Cam arguably left more points in the ether by starting Raheem Blackshear over literally anybody else. (Vetted this with Mostert just for fun to find that Mostert scored 0.1 fewer than Blackshear.)
In three playoff weeks, Jayden Daniels 121 FP, and he broke the rookie-QB rushing record with a week to spare. I would like to congratulate myself for correctly predicting that Brian would storm the pick ladder and win the cash. I would also lik to point out that if Brian hadn’t been in my way, I would have gone on to win the pick myself (didn’t vet it and you can’t make me, but definitely true had I been allowed to trade for JT). Couldn’t have happened to a better guy, is what people say when they don’t know how to wrap up.
Corey avoids finishing with the worst score of the week because Jared Goff ends up scoring another 30, his fourth-conescutive, pushing him past Jayden Daniels for top QB of the playoffs with 125 FP.
Kennedy big-brained the Lions trio, he big-brained the early-season Andrews trade that led to the late-season Andrews trade, and he big-brained the Michael Penix start that singlehandedly cost him a shot at getting pants’d by his brother on the big stage in front of everyone. So maybe more big brain stuff is caled for, at least in terms of avoiding the worst fates, maybe not so much for chasing the highs.
Meanwhile, Max juggernauted this bitch all year long. From drafting STA 2nd overall to the Lamar gaffe to insisting when all hope should have been lost that he would continue to fight, Max showed more resiliency than most of us would in a similar situation, and though he was mercilessly flung to his death by Coleman in the semis, Max got closer than most of us. If for no other reason, he deserves third place for scoring the third most points in the regular season. I’m not sure how often the top three scoring teams finish 1-2-3 in scoring order in the final standings (granted not the regular season standings in this case), but it’s worth mentioning Max outplayed most of us and the results reflect that.
Burrow scored 40+ for the league-leading fourth time this year (and he had 38.8 one week). Lamar, Allen, and Baker did it three times (as did Ja’Marr Chase; Saquon had five games above 35 but only one above 40; he had 55). Baker had a record five straight games at 30+ earlier this year. Allen had the highest two-week total with 118 (with literally no impact on our league’s results; perfection). Allen and Goff were the only two players two have two games of 50+. Of course, Lamar had the most total points and just like Max he finished third in the playoffs.
You’ve stuck with me this long. Here it is, the final recap of the year, the grand conclusion to the time, the toil, the tinkering we put in for a full season (at least 15 weeks for most of us, anyway).
It was a battle waged the old-fashioned way, with salvos and waiting, with six full days of holding the line and the only “charge” coming when it was time for the ten of us watching the rush the field and celebrate the upset, the revolution, the dawn of brighter days. The first calvo was Coleman’s taken on Christmas Day, with Kelce hitting basically a season-high 17 before Miles was done unwrapping his presents—actually all of the action took place before Miles was done unwrapping his presents because Miles was so into his presents that we gave up forcing him to unwrap, we let him play, we went to a friends’, we came back for a nap, and he finished unwrapping his presents after sunset (granted, that’s 4:30 local time).
Anyway, Kelce had his highest score since Week 8, higher than either of Coleman and Sean’s previous matchups, just one of three Kelce TDs this year. I give Coleman a lot of credit for sitting tight with Kelce instead of dumping more futures on a low-impact position. Then the Ravens dominated the Texans, holding Sean’s only player of the day, Ka’imi, to zero points, eleven below his season average. With Justice Hill out and backup RB Rasheen Ali hurt early, Henry got his highest carry-total of the season and his third-highest FP, albeit his highest since Week 4. With 33 FP, Henry had more in this championship week than in Coleman and Sean’ prior two matchups combined. (This is also true of Kelce, btw.) The rest was heavy sprinkling: 9 from Tucker, 7 from Watt, 7.5 from Hamilton, nothing excpetional but everyone contributed. Coleman’s final shot of the weekday volley was Thursday night, another respectable IDP serving of 8 from TJ Edwards. TJ Time’s total 15 is, like, fine, but not nickname worthy. Still, I condone. I tolerate.
Sean got his big salvo with the later two Saturday games and the early Sunday window. Germaine Pratt was stuck around five points before a fourth-quarter interception shot him up to double-digits. Puka played his highest snap-percentage of the season, led the Rams in targets, but couldn’t secure his endzone target and settled for a (super solid) 129 yards and five first downs. The real “what-if” happened on the other side of the ball, where James Conner entered the week doubtful and worked his way up to questionable, only to get “twisted up” in the first quarter and miss the rest of the game. Understudy Rico Dowdle would go on to outscore Conner by 14 FP. If not for the Conner injury, maybe we don’t see the best Trey McBride had to offer. The Cardinals were using him on screens in lieu of a running game, and on their final goal line series, they targeted McBride three times before finally getting him in on another screen for his first receiving TD of the year and his highest FP total of the year. I want to emphasize here that ANY of Sean’s bench options would have been a massive improvement: Dowdle with 15, Ridley 14, and DeVonta a season-high 26. Just want to work that into a lather for Sean to inhale and choke on.
And Coleman’s itty-bitty little one pea-shooter Kyren got him 13 to keep his win-percentage lead steady around 70%.
Sunday morning, Sena’s wheeled out the cannons. Josh Allen, Saquon Barkley, and James Cook led this team in points all season, and they needed to do it one more time. The Bills and Eagles kept the pedal down way longer than they needed to, specifically in terms of the Bills throwing with a 19-0 lead after the half and the Eagles giving Barkley fourth-quarter carries up 27. (Basically the Bills wanted to get the most of out their last game from their starters before benching everyone for Week 18, and the Eagles wanted to get Saquon above 2K rushing before benching him for Week 18 and costing him the chance at Dickerson’s 2,105.) Allen and Barkley combined for 56. Cook gets in the endzone to save his day at 13.3. Last-ditch LB Jamien Sherwood adds a respectable 12.5, and Nick Cross has under 5 FP for the second straight week. Meanwhile, Coleman’s one starter for this window, the venerable Mike Evans, scored two TDs and 25 FP.
Coleman returns fire with the Darnold-Jefferson stack, and the A-Chain, while Van Ginkel desperately flanks by himself. Thank whatever you believe in that Coleman didn’t have to resort to free agency because Darnold out-dueled Josh Allen despite failing to find Jefferson for a TD. Darnold puts up 33, his second-highest total of the season, and Jefferson kicks in 11. Achane completely sucked with Tua out, as the Browns got to stack the box and Huntley didn’t force eight passes to Achane the way Tua’s been doing. Coleman couldn’t have known this when he made the trade, especially since Ken Walker was doing okay then, but it was good reason to seek out a Jonathan Taylor trade instead of accepting Achane as part of the Evans trade. It worked out, but Achane was never a solid bet. (Cut to literally last week when Achane had 33 FP, BUT then cut to Achane having 2.9 and 2.7 his two games without Tua.) Van Ginkel failed to make one of his patented money plays, ending the day with just 4 FP.
Coleman didn’t need much from kaden Elliss, already up by 25, but Elliss continued his streak of double-digit FP, posting his second-best score of the season thanks to his first career INT.
Sean saved himself the final shot, but would one bullet be enough, was there a perfect-enough placement of the shot to bring Coleman to his knees after securing such and advantage? A potential shootout with the Lions, the team the 49ers beat in last year’s semis to advance to the Super Bowl, couldn’t hurt. This is likely the end of the season for the 49ers, robbing the Lions of homefield advantage would be a sweet way for the starters to got out… so what actually happened? Deebo almost brought the KR scam back to the forefront. Of his 17.5 FP, 7.5 came from kick returns (8.5 for the yardage, -1 for the fumble; suck it), and he scored a TD after Coleman prematurely accepted victory. At that point, there was almost an entire half left, and had Brock Purdy thrown TDs to Deebo instead of INTs to Kerby, this could’ve swung the other way. So in the end, QBs who only played for Sean and me this season ended up doing just enough to save us from eternal darkness. (Bonus points: I did, in fact, outscore Sean this week 171-163, with Brock Purdy accounting for 7.4 of the difference.)
JK, JK, Sean actually would have implemented some cool, fun rules inspired by Marios Kart and Party, but I’m sure Coleman can cook up something fun while making it feel like we’re not just paying Sean to let us lose to him every year.
Finally, congratulations, Coleman! You did the full Morty: you bailed out of last season to load up for this one, you drafted luxuriously, and when the trade deadline came, you went all-in! Knocking off the king is just the cherry on top. You've come close before, and you deserved to make it all the way this year. No asterisks, no doubt, just a dominant run from start to finish, culminated in back-to-back-to-back 185s. I am honored to call you Champ.
But to wrap up, the Year of the RB is never happening again, one team getting Coleman’s 2024 draft haul is never happening again, and I would bet that it will be a few years before we see another regular season where nobody reaches 10 wins. I, for one, intend on going undefeated as a result of finger-trapping the tension I tend to put on my team by simply not having the time to obsess.
This was one of the most fun years I’ve had playing in this league with you all. I had more fun the year I bet on Lamar and won it all, but I can’t imagine having more fun while hanging on for dear life and eventually finishing on the razor’s edge of last place. Thanks for putting the time and effort it and making it a positive and interactive experience. A lot of people are losing the joie de fantasy, and year after year, I don’t feel that way at all. Thank you so much for reading the note and encouraging me to write it. Love you all and look forward to playing again with you next season.
